Joke 1
Adam Taylor goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes over.
“How much is coffee?” he asks. The waitress replies,”Coffee is £1.40, but refills are free.”
So Adam says, “I’d like a refill instead, please.”

Joke 2
Adam Taylor goes to see Doctor Adil.
“What’s wrong today, young Adam?” asks the doctor.
“Everytime I drink my coffee, I get a stabby pain in my eye,” says Adam.
“Well then, take the spoon out of the cup!”

Joke 3
Adam Taylor walks into a bar looking sad. As he walks up to the bar, the bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

Adam replies, "Well I've got these two horses, but I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for him, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail off one of the horses?"

Adam says, “That sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.

Adam answers, "I shaved the tail off one of the horses, but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender says, "Why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that won’t grow back."

Adam has a few drinks and leaves. A few months later he is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking Adam breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the mane of one of the horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartenter yells, "For crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" Adam cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day he comes running back into the bar. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called
'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATIO
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive..

SEVEN CIRCLES

CIRCLE ONE: THE OUTSIDE
1.What's your name:
Jos

2.How tall are you:
At least 6 foot

3.What color are your eyes:
Greeny-brown... apparently

4.What color is your hair:
Brown

5.Are you Male or Female:
Yes

6.What is your best feature (physically):
My... arms

7.What's your shoe size:
11... I think

8.Glasses, yes or no:
Na

9.Did you ever have braces:
Nope

10.On a typical day you are wearing:
Whatever I want

11.When you go to bed you're wearing:
lol

12.work out/exercise about how often:
Not as much as I could

CIRCLE TWO: MUSIC
1.Name five of your favorite bands:
Hmmm... The Red Route
The Dirty Jos Sound System
That one that Mayo's in
Aaand the other two

2.Name five of your favorite singers:
Jon Mayo
That other guy in his band
Whoever sings in the Dirty Jos Sound System
Adam Taylor
And also this is all a lie

3.Name three songs you are currently playing nonstop:
Nnnnone

4.Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life right now:
Dreadlock Holiday
"I saw four faces, one man a brother from the gutter"

5.Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life one year ago:
Jesus of Suburbia... it's my name!

6.When you're driving, what are the preset stations on your radio:
When I drive, there is no radio!

7.What's the last CD you bought:
That thing from the singing hobos

8.Was the last CD you burned an actual CD or a mix:
Iuno

9.Name one song/band/singer you're embarrassed to like but do:
None

10.If you could only attend one concert ever again, it would be:
Jon Mayo's band

11.Name one band/singer you absolutely can't stand:
None in particular

12.Name a group you use to like but feel you've grown out of:
Iuno

CIRCLE THREE: MOVIES/TELEVISION

1.Name your favorite actor:
Bill Bailey he was in like... one program

2.Name your favorite actress:
That... person ¬¬

3.Name your favorite television show right now:
TV Burp

4.Name five really cool movies you've recently seen:
I haven't really seen any recently...

5.Your favorite canceled television show:
Futurama?

7.Name one movie you wish you hadn't wasted time/money on recently:
Anything that's currently on

8.You would never watch a movie with:
The KKK. That'd just be weird and awkward.

9.Favorite candy/food to watch movies with:
I refuse to answer any question with the word "candy", cos I'm picky like that

10.Three favorite tv channels:
Dave
UKTV Gold
Adamtaylor TV

11.Favorite reality show:
I'm Adamtaylor, get me out of here!

12.Favorite character on a reality show:
You can't have characters on reality shows! You have people! If they're characters, it's not reality!

CIRCLE FOUR: WORD ASSOCIATION
(Write the first word/thing/person that comes into your head when you read this word

1.coffee: Henry (iuno)

2.dog: grave

3.slut: car

4.candy: REFUSE

5.pole: Skong

6.ocean: 11

7.brave: reporter

8.loving: caring

9.cookie: Matt

10.death: chocolate

11.life: shit

12.child: Quavers

CIRCLE FIVE: WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER:

1.Ten guilty men go free OR One innocent man goes to jail for life
Guilty men... unless they're REALLY guilty

2.Eaten by a lion OR Eaten by thousands of small insects
Lion

3.A life of contentment without love OR A life with love and heartache
I think that decision's been made for me

4.Skydiving from a plane OR Bungee jumping off a bridge
Can't I bungee of a plane? Or skydive off a... bridge...

6.No television OR No music
No music

7.No more pizza, ever OR No more chocolate, ever
No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!

8.A trip to Europe OR a trip to Hawaii
Europe's really big though! That's an unfair comparison

9.An hour with your future soul mate OR An hour with a lost loved one
Soulmate, duh

10.No longer being able to cry OR No longer being able to feel the need to cry
Feelig the need to cry

11.Sex without