Shame on a ginga who try to run game on a ginga!

Me: We should do this more often, I miss your face.
Grainne: Yeah we should do it like every week or something
Me: Well no because you know...liver disease and stuff maybe like once a month....LIKE a period!
Grainne: Yes this could so be our period!

Jacq: we've been goin out for 12 months
Me: No we haven't it's 1 year and 2 months
Jacq: Thats what I said 12 months.
Me: ....NO....
Jacq: Oh no shit...I was thinkin 1 year and 2 months - 12 months
Me: Dick
Jacq: You know you're not so smart either - look at the boobies on ya!

Ass 2 Ass with you

Leonard: Tell me the secret
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car...Jesus is fine with it but we can't tell dad
Leonard: Not that secret the other secret
Sheldon: I'M BATMAAAAN!!!!

OILLLSSSSSSS......and stuff

Noone hits me over the head with a rock - Loser!

Derm: Aint no party like a singstar party

Grainne (at party with me Derm, Duke and Decky): I just realised I'm the only person here who fancies boys

Jackie: People who read the independant don't fart

Nanny: PLease don't lie to me! I don't care if you commit suicide or go with a married man or whatever just don't lie to me about it!

Derm - Try dark rum for a change
Me - yuck no! I like white rum
Derm - I do too but dark's nice for a change
Me - No its not look i can't help it Im a rum supremacist.

Oisin - What's pink's name?
Me - Alecia Moore
Oisin - Hahahaha that's like Naoise Moore

Grainne - ghetto wagon
Me - I wish I was on the ghetto wagon
Grainne - chokes

Most of which coudn't be considered work. I've realised it's a long and strange list and is constantly being added to

- Groped pretty much every member of staff
- Started the start of shift hug
- Initiated the team building ass slap
- Taken my sock off to show people my tattoo (any excuse)
- Completely undone my shirt during clean up
- Offered to clean in my bra in exchange for tips
- Invented several boredom busting games involving ice cubes
- Started heated debates bout fuck all and left the scene
- Brought in the coke crate stepping stool to reach high objects
- Suggested the aquisition of a powerhose to clean the smokin area
- Suggested walkie talkies for the floor staff
- Jumped over the bar top to avoid a crowd
- Unofficially barred several people
- Stolen a broken pool cue because I didn't know what else to do with it (It's still in my room cause I still havent figured it out suggestions?)
- Made myself little drinks wth crushed ice and fruit pureé and pretended they were cocktails
- Started numerous rumours about the burn closing early
- Made several new friends while under the guise of working
- Insisted people touch the ice cold harp tap before I serve them
- Refused to serve sambuca to people unless it was on fire

I'm sure now you're wondering as I am why I have not been fired. It's because...because...well I'll let you know!

4 in a bed birthday romp!

Ema - MY LEG!!!! HELL IS BREAKIN OUT ON MY LEG!!!!
Dave - I know. Wel'll put bleach on it!
Ema - Get the fuck away from me with that AHHHHHHH MY LEG!!!! THE FIRE OF LONDON IS BREAKIN OUT ON MY LEG!!!!!
Dave - How bout this?
Me - lmao listerine....aye try it
Ema - NO!!!!!!!
Dave - cotton swab it off?
Ema- MY FUCKIN LEG THIS ISNT FUNNY!!!!!!!
Dave I- I know we'll dry shave you again
Ema - No fuckin way
Dave - yes - hold her down!
Ema - I NEED DAMIAN hes a doctor I need medical attention SOMEONE GET ME A PHONE TIL I RING DAMIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love penis and I love being anal probed by aliens

Claire - Was that a cow or a scooter?
Me - That sounds like a game Jack used to play back on the farm "Here lads wanna play cow or scooter?"

Karen - That's a pepper.
Jack - It's a cucumber
Claire - Pepper or Cucumber
Me - another game Jack used to play - when cow or scooter got old.

3, 6, 9

Karen - Boob or moob? The new cow or scooter

Claire - He would do anything for love but he won't do that...
Me - Aye he won't shut the fuck up!

Me - Oh Christ I feel like Joan Rivers! I'm dyin' from the inside out!!!!

Gill - This popcorn looks like loads of little brains.

Gill - Eating jelly babies is masochistic
Me - you mean sadistic?
Gill - ugh they're all the same thing they're all something istic

Gill - syph ha SYPH KITTEN!!!!!!

Naoimh - What's in a vegetarian sausage?
Me - Vegetarians...that have died...because they're vegetarians and are all malnourished!

BETH DITTO, BETH DITTO, BETH DITTO DITTO DITTO

Claire - That's a Rar Rarr

Cleaners - Is that a person or a duvet?

Claire - Fuck this I hate the wind the only thing its good for is pollinating seeds! I'll pollinate the seeds if we can get rid of the wind!

sa na sa sa na sa sana sa sa sana sa

Me - I gave a girl I live with hash brownies and didnt tell her there was hash in them
Naoimh - Is she a vegetarian or somethin?

Murf - why is all alcohol stinkin - it should just taste like sukie!

Me - I just don't know how I'm going to handle Paddy's day at work! I mean last night was bad enough with the bloody music - I felt like I was in the fuckin RA or something every second song had a god damn fiddle in it!

Me - Fucksake guys why does it always come back to sex and concentraion camps? Every conversation!

Me - Andy seriously are you a member of the KKK?

Andy - Oh me ma's gave me this awful itchy face!

sew seductive

cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low

Ema - OMG look at him rap with Jay Z - omg I've realised what my dream in life it...Gill look at this this is my dream in life!!!
Gill - What?
Ema - to rap with Jay Z
Gill - emma you're not in linkin park!

Me - and I was all like don't hate me cause you ain't me...hello...new people...yes I was in sister act 1 AND 2!!!

Me - Bring me a bottle of tequilla and a lemon...no TWO lemons!!!!
Later
Me - where the fuck are my lemons?
Cara - I didn't bring any tequilla
Me - I dont care where are my lemons!

Cara - Emma do you have my fegs?
Me - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gill - I dont have thrush on my ass cheek!

UP the W.L.R.A!!!

W - L to the R to the A and we is gay!

Me - Oh listen Neyo
Gill - we don't like Neyo
Me - aye but he's gay like us
Gill - aye but he cant rap like us

You're out of your tree - it's not my tree!

Me - If your ma wasn't your ma, would ye?
Stephen - No way! I've seen her in the mornings

Colm - one of the nicest countries on earth New Zealand - where God lives and Australia - where God holidays

Me - If your ma wasn't your ma, would ye?
Stranger - What's wrong with you?

Me - If your ma wasn't your ma, would ye?
Alana - No I don't even understand why my Daddy went there. If my da wasn't my da I probably would

My granny - It's un natural Emma! Nobody is born with hair that colour!

Me - I know she's a Christian but Natasha Bedingfield