Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After
Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend. On
the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had
a Wine Gum. He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she
said. "I'm the one with the nuts," he thought!

Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in to a hotel, and went
straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of
Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her
Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he
showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him
take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was
quite pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic
moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out,
his king size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he
needed a Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very
appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and
finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel.
Sadly he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree
had been with Bertie Basset who apparently had Allsorts!!!

Amendment I: No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun
In the event that there are fewer passengers than capacity would allow, there must always be a passenger riding shotgun. This would include a couple. This is to prevent the driver from feeling ditched, or like a chauffeur.

Amendment II: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.

Amendment III: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.

Amendment IV: The Reserve Shotgun Amendment (Bitch, Spanky and Comm)
After Shotgun has been called, other patrons may call "Bitch," "Spanky," or "Comm," referring to the seat behind shotgun, the seat behind the driver, and the center back seat, respectively.

Amendment V: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the responsibility of the passenger who has shotgun to take control of the radio and air conditioning, however the driver has final say over the settings. The other occupants of the car can also have an opinion. If the passenger with shotgun is caught forgetting their duties and makes the car listen to commercials and/or bad music, then his privilege can be lost. Of course, this is all in good judgement of the driver. As Navigator, the driver may also ask him to operate other devices such as the windshield wipers, and rear window defroster.
It is also the job of the Navigator throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.

Amendment VI: Australian Shotgun
Originally from Australia, if two people tie for shotgun, then the first person to put their thumb on their head is awarded shotgun. If they both do this at the same time, then an immediate pissbolt (race) to the car is required.

Amendment VII: Chinese Sneak Attack
In the event that someone manages to touch the car's handle, and/or is in the car before anyone called shotgun, then they immediately receive the shotgun priviledge. However, this amendment does not apply to someone who ran to the vehicle in question in order to do so.

Amendment VIII: Shotgun Suicide
If the Shotgun caller attempts to open the car door as it is being unlocked (thus causing it to stay locked), he immediately loses Shotgun priviliges for the upcoming ride, and a new round of calling Shotgun must be executed.

Amendment IX: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Secti

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.