I posted this on my myspace, but I thought I'd post it here too, simply because I don't write enough blogs and that I think this is kinda important....sort of. Beware though- it's long!

Well, as a part of the script writing unit that I've been doing with La Luna this term, we were asked to write a number of streams of conciousness, which is basically where you take all the thoughts floating around in your brain and put them down on paper. Amd I've actually discovered that they're excellent for venting. I've found that, the more I do, the more I can admit things to myself and not "censor" my thoughts before I write them down, which is what I was doing for a long time. There are things I don't like thinking about, but this exercise MADE me think about. And I've discovered a few things about myself in the process:

~I love my friends more than anything else- they mean the world to me and I idolise them.

~I would do anything for the people I love, even sacrificing my own well-being or happiness so that they can be happy (this is something that it took me a while to work through)

~I'm easily distracted, especially by music, and have a tendency to sing (in my mind, and out loud)

~I tend to let my emotions get the better of me when I write- I often end up smiling so hard my face hurts, or crying so hard that I can't see the page.

~My brain doesn't think in complete sentences or even complete thoughts.

~I am insane

~I get unhappy a lot more than I let on, and even I don't realise it until I start writing down my thoughts.

~I'm scared of a lot of things- not like snakes or spiders, but of losing the people I love, not being accepted, and letting someone break my heart.

~I'm not very brave, on the inside.

~Mucho bravado- I'm not sure where the theatrical me ends and the real me begins, if indeed there is a difference.

~I'm selfish sometimes, but I'm trying to be less so. I hope it's working.

~I can't believe that I'm writing this.

~I wish I had a lot of things that I don't.

~I wish that I had the guts to let someone truly see what I'm thinking- to give them one of these insane rants and let them draw their own conclusions. But I know that I wont.

~I remember the little things that mean a lot- not the big things that mean nothing.

~Every moment is special.

~There are a lot of things I'll never admit to anyone, especially the people that I really need to admit them to.

~It's strange, when something awful happens, the first things I do. I cry, and then do something odd, or out of place, or think something strange. Drawing strange pictures, playing the guitar, writing, wishing that I could talk to someone.

~Without my friends, I would be lost. I wouldn't be me.

~My friends have the knack for bringing out the best and me, and sometimes the worst.

~I don't make sense much.

~I love people's smiles- I think they say the most about a person's personality.

~Pretty eyes are nice, but eyes in which you can see sincere, honest to god emotion are so much nicer.

~I don't know what love is.

~I'm in love with the idea of being in love

~It's hard to admit the things you truly feel.

~The words you need to say the most are the hardest to say.

~Falling out of love is a lot harder than falling into it.

~I"m not sure if I'll ever fall in love and have that love reciprocated.

~I don't like letting go of the past, and I don't like letting go of what I currently have.

~I'm afraid of what people think of me.

~Acting is my life, writing is my passion, and it's all made worthwhile by the people I love.

~I was depressed a great deal of the end of Primary School and the start of High School- and the fact that I was sinking so deeply into a cesspool of depression and sadness scares me now, because I know that it could happen again.

~You may get rid of something, but it's never really gone- not completely. It can take years to pull away from something that hurts you,

I am officially shocked. *nodnod* You see, on Saturday I went in a Plain English Speaking Competition because my English teacher asked me too (and because Emmaly dobbed me in to her -.-;; Thanks for that Em) Anyways, I had a week to prepare, and I used a speech I did for English last year ("Carpe Diem- Seize The Day")

There were three parts to the competition- a prepared speech, an impromptu (you get four minutes notice of topic and then have to get up and say a speech for 3 minutes- scary) and an interview with the person judging it. I've never, ever done a Speech Competition before, and was against a whole heap of people who looked like they've been doing this since grade 8. And somehow...I managed to win. Don't ask me how, I was shocked. And now I have to do another one on the 16th of June -.-;;

So, yeah...I wasn't expecting that O.o;;

Hello to all the people that probably don't read this and really don't care. I am bored. Rawr! XD

The Caitlin is currently a very happy-chappy. She has finally got internet again (yay!) and is therefore back to spread chaos and mayhem (ahem). So be prepared.

Now, what has been happening in the life of me, since I decided to disappear:

1. My hair is now very short (mega short, in fact, as in there's no way I'll ever need to put it up, because that is now impossible to do) and very black (or it was- now it's this icky off-black colour. Need to fix that)

2. I have glasses (yay!) Was having trouble seeing the board at school, so went and had my eyes tested at the end of last term. Suprise, suprise! Caitlin is going blind (not really). I'm short-sighted as well as just short, it seems. I can't see things in the distance- they're all fuzzy. So now the Caitlin has glasses- funky, black plastic ones that make me see a whole lot better. Yay!

3. I have a new computer and internet (obviously)

4. I'm doing circus training. It's fun, but hard and kind of scary sometimes. I got to stand on James' shoulders- it was cool, but I nearly died (afraid of heights, and afraid of face-planting on the floor, which would hurt. >.< )Haven't badly injured myself yet, which is all good. I twisted my ankle doing a back flip/pitch though. Couldn't walk properly for a week. I can spin a plate on a stick! Yay! Acro-balance is awesome too.

5. Got to play a crazy lady (aka. Lady Macbeth) and a lady that died (aka. Gertrude) in a play for La Luna recently. Very fun. Apparently, also very spooky. Kept standing on the ends of my dress in the Macbeth scene X.X And I had a lit candle so I had to be mega careful. Anyways, doing that for Festival of One Act Plays soon.

6. Doing another play for school, called "Candid". Get to play a mother who walks out on her family. Lots of yelling and being pissed involved. Fun ^.^

7. Being bored.

So, that's basically what's been happening. Other stuff has prolly happened too, but I couldn't be bothered talking about it -.-;;

Anyways, bai bai from me!

~Waves~