I swear i don't even like Harry Potter, but someone keeps sending me these things and they make me laugh so ...

Funtastic Innuendo List :
Quotes from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" that sound dirty, but aren't.

"What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed.

"...I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago --"
"He was asking for it," snarled Dudley.

"I heard you last night," said Dudley breathlessly. "Talking in your sleep. Moaning."

"You two just Apparated on my knees!"
"Yeah, well, it's harder in the dark --"

"There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet.
"So, got there yet?" said George eagerly.

"...screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry's bedroom."

"Ron was lying sprawled on his back with his mouth wide open."

"Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes."

"Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this."

"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."

"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."

"Ron wrenched the hangings apart, and Harry stared up at him in the moonlight, as he lay flat on his back."

"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Wand out, Potter."
Harry moved into his usual position...

"But whether James really did take off Snape's pants, Harry never found out."

"Snape eyed Harry, tracing his mouth with one long, thin finger as he did so."

"What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. "Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?"

"He bit hard on his pillow, to stop himself from making a noise."

"Say hello to him [Hagrid] for us!" called Hermione, as Harry proceeded down the ward. "And ask him what's happening about...about his little friend!"

"... every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again..."

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" roared Moody.

"He came last night, when you were in bed," said Mr. Weasley.

Put that away, will you?" said Sirius finally, as James made a fine catch and Wormtail let out a cheer. "Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement."

"I see," said Uncle Vernon, looking from his white-faced wife to Harry and hitching up his trousers. He seemed to be swelling...

"Ha ha ha, Harry, look at it--" said Ron, watching it disgorge its gaudy innards. "Harry, come and touch it, bet it's weird--"..."Harry, look what's happen--no--no, I don't like it--no, stop--stop--"

"Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defence against external penetration?"

...She pressed hard on the top of his head. "Doesnt it ever lie flat?" she said desperately. Harry shook his head.

"Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering trough various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."

"We're not going to use magic," Ron ejaculated loudly.

Snape's office door banged open and Draco Malfoy sped in.
"Professor Snape, sir - oh - sorry -"
Malfoy was looking at Snape and Harry in some surprise.

"You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure.

"... his right, Malfoy's arm extended, too, reaching, groping... It was over in two, breathless, desperate, windswept seconds- Harry's fingers closed around the... ball..."

Ew.

Look wat happens when you replace the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book

....

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok I have found, definitive prooof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all...

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

.... Dirrrty.

Sarah
Won't you tell me your name
I've been waiting here for hours
In the garden by the flowers
You're so shy
So just open your eyes
The boys all form a line
To be written out in time
A long, long, long, long time ago

Emergency
I think I'm falling apart
Emergency
I think I am losing the fight
And I don't know if I can do it
I don't know if I can try
I don't know if anyone asked my the reason I lied
She sighed

Sarah
Is she your new best friend?
One day it will end, you know it will
You're so shy
So just let it fall apart
Let it stumble in the dark
With the razors in your heart
A long, long, long, long time ago

Emergency
I think I'm falling apart
Emergency
I think I am losing the fight
And I don't know if I can do it
I don't know if I can try
I don't know if anyone asked me the reason I lied
She sighed

Emergency
I think I'm falling apart
Emergency
I think I am losing the fight
And I don't know if I can do it
I don't know if I can try
I don't know if anyone asked me the reason I lied
She sighed