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- Do you know Todd? 20 Taken
-You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
- Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
- Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.
- Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
- Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
- Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.
- Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
- If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
- Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
- When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
- Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
- People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
- It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
- Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.
- When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer
- Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
- Jack Bauer is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
- Jack Bauer once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley
- The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
- There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
- If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
- When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
- Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.
- On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
- Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
- If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
- On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
- Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
- Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.
...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."
- Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
- When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one inter
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