-You go to the ball with your cousin.
-A nice restaurant is an 'all you can eat' place.
-Someone in your family got pregnant at 15.
-A sleeve is a form of tissue for your nose.
-You have to do dishes more than 3 times a day.
-Breakfast is the left over food from last night.
-You're sent to pick watercress for a funeral, 3 oclock in the morning.
-You organise for a get together at 2 oclock, and everyone shows up at 5
-You get a hiding with a jandal/gumboot/chord/spoon
-You can sprint barefoot on sharp rocks
-You visit cuzzies, and someones wearing the clothes you left behind last time.
-You and your cousins sit around, and dis everyone who walks past.
-You give the longest shout outs on the radio.
-In a photo, someones pulling some kind of gang related hand signal.
-Your mum cuts your hair cos you keep getting kutu's.
-Your at a party, and your aunty turns the stereo off then starts playing the guitar.
-You know all the words to Ten Guitars.
-You see someone wearing your shoes that went missing at the marae.
-The words 'ow' 'chur' and 'sweet' are part of your vocabulary.
-You go to school to eat the other kids lunch
-you go to school to watch the teacher teach the other kids
-you give the pakeha kid a hiding for calling you dumb
-Bullrush was your fav sport
-You think ur tribe is the best in the world
-Your dad cuts your hair, gets hoha and leaves the other half for the next day after school!!
-Your older brother makes you cry and your the one who gets a hiding for crying
-All your marbles are ball bearings and you try to pass them off as steelies
-Hello and goodbye is said by raising your eyebrows.
-Your jandals / gumboots are: ur running shoes, ur workshoes, ur flippers and ur going out shoes.
-Your swimming togs is a shorts and t-shirt.
-You do bombs at the public pools where it says no bombing.
-Brushing your hair is ... just putting on a beanie.
-You're good at touch
-At least one of your relations is a Coconut
-You cant speak Maori but are fluent when you are drunk
-You laugh at everyone who cant sing
-you laugh at everyone who cant dance
-You laugh at everyone who cant do both at the same time
-You're at a party with the guitar and everyone only knows half the words to all the songs u sing
-You go to a party and at least a couple of ur relatives are sleeping on the table
-You go diving with one flipper
-Playing the spoons is right up there for percussion to the guitar.
-Gumboots, jandals & a swandri are all considered #1's.
-The whanau hangi sacks and baskets get passed down to you
-Rotten foods are a delicacy
-You try the whakapapa/tino rangatiratanga line to get into a public event

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.


Man who run in front of car get tired.


Man who run behind car get exhausted.


Man with hand in pocket feel ****y all day.


Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.


Man with one chopstick go hungry.


Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.


Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.


Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.


War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.


Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.


Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.


It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.


Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.


Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.


Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.


Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.


Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

"Hey, education is good. Up to the bit where you get expelled. Then you get to taste freedom." - Munter

"It must be hard. Trying to remember the truth when it's not actually the truth. It'd be easier if you could just lie, eh?" - Munter

"It's moments like these... you need one of my mum's cookies." - Munter

"Bro, you've got to forget her. You've got to empty your mind. Empty. Your. Mind." - Munter

(to Van) "I love you, man. But I really hope I'm never stuck in a life or death situation and you're the one who has to figure out how to rescue me." - Munter

"Do Men of the Minge buy their clothes in Ponsonby?" - Munter

"Is texting someone eighteen times and getting nothing back - is that stalking?" - Munter

"If a man goes nowhere and there's no-one there to see him, did he ever leave?" - Munter

Van: "What does ironic mean?"
Munter: "It means how come the guy with the job has never got any money for any piss?"

Munter: "Yeah, it was float like a butterfly, sting like a wasp."
Eric: "Bee."
Munter: "What?"
Eric: "Nah, the saying goes 'float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.'"
Munter: "How do you know how it goes? I only just made it up."

"I don't know what's happening with Van anymore. We used to have something, you know, special. Now all I get are text messages." - Munter

Munter: "There's a big fish up there with my name on it. Big snapper."
Van: "It's a fish called Munter."
Munter: "That's a cool name, eh?"
Van: "What's my fish called?"
Munter: "Van. Van Fish. And it's friends with the other fish, the Munter."
Van: "Yeah, and they like, swim around..."
Munter: "Just cruising, cos that's the kind of fish they are."
Van: "Yeah."
Munter: "The Van Fish and the Munter Fish."
Van: "And they're cool, man."
Munter: "Of course they're cool, cos they're in the water."

"They're big those Tongans, and no strangers to violence - cos their mums have been smacking them from when they was little." - Munter

"What I'm saying, Mrs West, is that I think I have this sixth sense I didn't know I had before - 'cause I look at Draska and I go 'no f**king way are you pregnant.' In heat, maybe, but not pregnant. I think maybe it's a Maori thing. " - Munter

"Chicks are way more devious than guys." - Munter

(on pregnancy tests) "What if the whole person is a false negative? Can that throw the test off?" - Munter

Munter: "It's an old Maori cure my Mum handed down to me from my koro."
Van: "Cure for what?"
Munter: "Anything. Vampire bitches who want to steal your wairua."

"You just mimed rooting your own sister. You have to think about these things before you do them." - Munter

(on crayfish) "They're the gold of the sea. They put the kai in kaimoana." - Munter

Later...

Munter: "Crays, man, they're like the chicken of the sea, man."
Van: "I thought they were the gold of the sea."
Munter: "They're also the chicken, cos if they go off, they make you hurl your guts and squirt your ring."

Van: "I gotta show [Wolf] I got the chops."
Munter: "You got the chops, man. You got big meaty chops, with sauce on top, and chips."