) if u have a large order, please DO NOT ask for one drink at a time.....ask for them all together.
2)DO NOT wave money in my face to get attention.
3)DO NOT click your fingers in my face to get attention.
4)if you DO NOT want ice in your glass please specify this before i pour it.
5)DO NOT ask the bar staff to choose your drink.
6) DO NOT ask for cocktails at 1am on a saturday night.
7) DO not ask for 7 different cocktails.
DO NOT high five me, it wasnt funny at 7pm its still not funny at 2.30am.
9)DO NOT pretend to walk away without paying me...its not big and not clever.
10)DO NOT stand at the bar for ages then when i serve you turn and ask your friend what they are drinking.know before hand.
11)DO NOT order a drink and then realise you cannot pay for it.
12) DO NOT assume we remember what u have been drinking all night...and say "same again."
13)DO NOT try and dance with me over the bar.
14) DO NOT ask me to participate in any game/dare/debate u may be having with your friend...i dont care.
15) DO NOT tell me to smile or cheer up....im am frowning because YOU pissed me off.
16) DO NOT act like your my friend.
17)DO NOT act like i got your order wrong...we are sober and remember.
1 In the event of the above DO NOT watch us pour the drink and then say.
19)DO NOT ask me the price of 6 different drinks and then not order any of them.
20)DO NOT accuse us of not putting alcohol in your drink....its not our fault u cant taste it anymore.
21)DO NOT hold out ur palm with coins because u are too drunk to count...chances are ill charge you double and keep the change as a tip.
22) DO NOT forget to use your manners.
23) DO NOT cover your mouth when ordering a drink, part of our skills is to lip read your fucking whispers.
24)DO NOT in anyway use the bar as a prop in your sex romp....i will soak you with the water gun.
25) DO NOT stand at the no service end of the bar and expected to be served.....you are not staff.
26) just beacuse you are in here EVERY night DO NOT expect to get served quicker than anyone else.
27) DO NOT abuse the staff in any way.
2 DO NOT bitch about the person that served you...chances are someone else will hear you thus resulting in no one serving you for the remainder of the night.
29) DO NOT hang about the bar if you have no intention of buying a drink.
30) DO NOT make eye contact with me so i have to walk all the way over to you for you to say "im being served." a simple hand in the air implies you have been served.
31)DO NOT try and pull every girl in the place then retire to the bar and ask staff for they'r numbers. you are a creep. they are not intrested.
32) DO NOT ask for water at 3.05am. the bar is shut.
33) DO NOT attempt to join in any banter that the bar staff are having.you are not included.
34)When the place is heaving n we're carrying stock through the crowd it aint big n it aint clever 2 pretend to steal it or ask for some!! this just makes life harder for us n you dont get served
Last but not least
35)The barman is always right!
STICK TO THESE SIMPLE GUIDELINES AND YOU WILL RECIEVE SERVICE WITH A SMILE....BREAK THEM AND YOU WILL DEHYDRATE.
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A lot of people ask me wat my job actuali is. Its not all gettin laid n wrecked tho, thats jus the fun part, its also pretty hard work. This is the best description of wat Im doin while you lot are livin it up back home for the summer months...

B4 readin this guide, u shud realise that all reps r overpaid with almost no work 2do. Bearin this in mind do not hesitate 2demand the attendance of ur rep @ anytime - day or nyt, 4 anythin no matter how trivial. It reali dus break the monotony of a reps life to be urgently called at midnyt 2discuss the failure of the hotel to provide fresh hand towels 13days in2 a 2wk holiday. Also, havin demanded ur reps attendance, it helps tremendously if u go out jus b4 they're due2 arrive. This gives the rep time 2admire the lounge decor (reps seldom get2 c hotel lounge areas n so this 'waitin time' is considered 2b a major perk of their job n is guaranteed 2lift their spirits!)

Try 2avoid tellin ur rep anythin. They're all mind readers n so are able2 sort out ur problems without conversation. However please b aware that reps r extremely lazy n so may well do nothin. If thats the case then u r well within ur rights 2threaten legal action against ur holiday company. In ur letters b sure 2state that u notified the rep on several occasions n that they failed 2take action. (Bein mind readers this will b quite true even if u havnt bn 2c ur rep all holiday)

On arrivin in resort u'll b given a lot of paper called a 'Welcome Pack'. If possible, do not read any of this. It helps tremendously if u jus leave it on the coach. Coach drivers collect these 2gether with half filled coke cans, used tissues n apple cores squashed in2 the ashtray in the back of the seats. As a matter of interest the reason reps give out 'Welcome Packs' is bcus all reps r environmentally unfriendly n hav shares in companies destroyin rain forests. Ditchin wads of paper on guests is a way of increasin company turnover plus clearin Brazil of all its annoyin trees ready for tourist development.

Usuali on ur transfer coach the rep will start talkin on the microphone. Please pay no attention 2this, most reps have a 2nd job testin audio systems for electronics companies; so wat they're sayin will be of no interest or help 2u. Actuali there 2nd job is quite demandin so they have 2practice all the time (even without a microphone) so 2b on the safe side it's best never 2listen 2wat the rep is sayin. It'll never b of any use 2u on ur holiday anyway!!

Reps are RICH!!! Be aware of the followin: -

ur rep owns the plane u arrived on.
ur rep owns the hotel u stay in.
If overbooked, ur rep owns the hotel u shud hav stayed in.
ur rep owns the MET office n is totali responsible for all weather.

Bein in such a powerful position, ur rep is well able 2stop plane delays, prevent over bookins n in partnership with GOD can banish adverse weather conditions in an instance. The only thing stoppin the rep doin this is laziness, so please do complain of ur 2hr delay @ Gatwick airport @ every chance. Eventuali ur rep will then go back thru time 2prevent the delay n u can start enjoyin ur holiday (once the rep has sorted out the bad weather of course).

Reps visitin times - please pay no attention these. ur rep is supposed 2b in urs n everybody else's hotels @ all times (plus escorting u on all trips n transfers). If not then ur rep is not doing their job properly n u hav the grounds 2sue the company, report them 2watchdog or write 2ur MP. If u shud come across ur rep durin visitin times, please try not 2approach them while they're doin nothin (remember the importance of 'waitin time' 2the rep). If possible, try 2wait until they're packin their bags n about 2leave (or 2b reali popular, reps especiali love it if u grab them jus as they start their bike or car).

Reps carry a spare stock of passports, flight tickets, plus replacement jewellery, money, traveller's cheques n other important items. If u lose any of these its to..

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Five stages of drunkeness!!! (usual weekend)
THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKNESS

Stage 1 - CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right.

And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong.

Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE
This is when you "realise" that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing fine well that they fancy you and really want to talk to you.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet.

Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone. This is because you are now INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE, you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything,because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you think you know all the words

0 Comments 29 days ago