I am alone...I don't know if you know that, well most people won't from looking at me. I am constantly surrounded by a crowd. I move with the ebb and flow of people on the move...classes...hospital...patien
 ts...nurses...doctors...students..
 .colleagues...and yet I feel alone...a singleton in the myriad of lives and events in a universe so vast, i cannot grasp the fullness of it...

Many friends I have, much less enemies...a boyfriend even...but he is hardly ever around...so he is negligible in this matter....and still the feeling of aloneness permeates the very air I breath....surrounds me like a humid cloud of smog...watering my eyes....clogging my airways...wrenching my gut and twisting my heart...depressing me in ways I cannot explain even to myself...

After so many years of feeling like this, i expected at least to get used to it...but everytime it comes, and it comes so rarely, it hits like it never hit before and so I feel like...so down and inadequate...I try my best to not go about being so happy, refusing to enjoy myself too much because I know when the down comes, the fall of it is almost overwhelming.

Times are hard...But if there is a God...what would he say if he saw me? Like this?

I miss you like the dry earth misses rain.

I feel inadequate in the emptiness of this void you created when you left.

I wonder when you will ever return, I wonder whether I should hope that you would.

But painful it is to ask for rain in this our dry season.

For disappointment cuts deep withought the smell of rain in this drought.

sigh

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. When I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though, I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

Gravity