Exam questions that were rejected

Andy Parsons: "A lot of people say that the exams are too easy. Is the answer A: Yes or B: David Beckham."

Russell Howard: "With illustrations describe the Prophet Muhammad."

Gina Yashere: "A Virgin train is travelling at 120 miles per hour between London and Manchester, what time will it be cancelled?"

Frankie Boyle: "All P.E teachers are paedophiles, discuss..."
Hugh Denis: "If the world's temperature is rising at 2 degrees per decade, what is the point of anything?!"

Frankie Boyle: "Spell 'Mississippi', without looking at how we've spelt it in the question."

Hugh Dennis: "Two cars are speeding, one is being driven by a black man, which one will be stopped?"

Andy Parsons: "Do you think kids spend too much time with their Playstations? Answer: 'Cross', 'Triangle', 'Circle' or 'Square'."

Frankie Boyle: "Tick the box: A, B or C to receive the grade A, B or C."

Clive Anderson: "Sex education practical, report to me in the stationery cupboard."

Frankie Boyle: "If I add 1/8 to 1/16, how stoned will I be?

Hugh Dennis: "Can you master this phrase?: 'Do you want fries with that?'"


Lines that you'd never hear in a Bond film

Frankie Boyle: "Ingenious Q. It's a bomb, but it's also a rucksack."

Hugh Dennis: (foreign feminine accent) "Oh James, what a wonderful present, chlamydia!"

Gina Yashere: "My name is Bond, Muhammad Bond!"

Frankie Boyle: "Everything's ready for your mission, Bond. All you need to do is fill out this health and safety risk assessment."

Ed Byrne: (as villian with cat) "Mr Bond, have you ever kissed a man?"

Frankie Boyle: "You're very good at poker, but let's see how you do on the fruit machines!"

Andy Parsons: "Here's your new car Bond. A Ford Focus."

Frankie Boyle: "I'll have an egg roll, scrambled, not boiled!"

Andy Parsons: "Now let me get this straight, there's an evil tyrant at the top of a mountain, surrounded totally by armed guards. D'you know, I don't fancy it!"

Frankie Boyle: "It's not just a baseball bat, Bond, it's a baseball bat with a nail through it!"

Hugh Dennis: (foreign feminine accent) "Oh James, is it meant to be this soft?"

Ed Byrne: "They're getting away. We'll get after them in this... pedallo!"

Frankie Boyle: "We'd better slow down, there are speed cameras."

Hugh Dennis: "I hope you're not one of those Russian spies whose name is just a cheap sexual pun, Miss Suckmeov."

Worst things to hear your new neighbour say

Frankie Boyle: "What day do the bins go out round here? My wife's body is starting to stink!"

Hugh Dennis: (North American accent) "Well, looks like we got ourselves a fresh one!"

Andy Parsons: (on reference to the bird flu) "I hope my turkeys won't be keeping you awake."

Frankie Boyle: "My wife and I are nudists, and have been for the past 70 years."

Hugh Dennis: "You're bigger than you look through the telescope!"

Jo Caulfield: "Welcome to the street, or as we call it, the cul-de-sac of Christ."

Hugh Dennis: (as Jimmy Saville) "Do you like the music of Showaddywaddy?"

Russell Howard: "I can see you when you sleep!"

Hugh Dennis: "Yes, that's right, the wife breeds Rottweilers, the children are in a brass band, and I'm a paedophile!"

Frankie Boyle: "It's simple, your dog and I are in love." [says this with Russell kneeling next to him as said dog, after which Frankie rides him back to his place]

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits:
violent pornoography- system of a down

Waking Up:
sometimes-blink 182

Falling In Love:
M+M's-blink 182

Fight Song:
Wonderboy-tenacious D

Breaking Up:
Wenches and mead-battleheart

Prom:
Emo-blink 182

Life:
run to the hills- iron maiden

Mental Breakdown:
Aliens exist- blink 182

Driving:
Nancy the tavern wench- battleheart

Flashback:
A new hope- blink 182

Getting back together:
earth- man bites god

Wedding:
shut up- blink 182

Birth of Child:
Operation ground and pound-Dragonforce

Final Battle:
Thats your horoscope for today- weird al

Death Scene:
Fury of the storm-dragonforce

Funeral Song:
Man overboard-blink 182

End Credits:
Amish Paradise-weird al

1. You go to a party, and take pics to go on bebo.















2. You havent played solitaire with real cards in years.















3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have MSN/Bebo/MySpace.















4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.















6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.














7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.















8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.














9. You were too busy to notice number five.














10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.















11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.












12. Repost if you fell for it. You know you did