1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine.

2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle get synchronised with that of a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether its OK to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.(HAHA boobless)

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You're never quite sure whether its against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic toy figurines assume intercourse positions is almost impossible to resist.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating an apple.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a flat ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to accidentally call your teacher mum or dad.

1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool while picking up a frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Elderly ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had their arm (or neck) broken by a swan.

30) The most painful common household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.

37) Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child.

1. "What are you thinking?"
2. "Do you love me?"
3. "Do I look fat?"
4. "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5. "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1. "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."

Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

1. Baseball
2. Football
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

2. "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear."

Wrong answers include:
1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
3. That depends on what you mean by "love".
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

3. "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room.

Wrong answers include:
1. I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
2. Compared to what?
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier."

Wrong answers include:
1. Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
2. I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
3. Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
4. Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5. "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife."No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes . . . I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too?"
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."