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Johnny C Raven
- Everyone's Craven the Craven!!!
- Me, Myself, and I
- Thank God Jesus took the bullet for us all and then decided to rise from the dead so the likes of us Leaving Cert students could have 2 weeks off before the big exams. What a hero!! And how many of us will go to Mass on holy thursday, good friday and eater sunday?? I'd say just me! For shame. The man deserves more.........
- The Other Half Of Me
I've seen donkeys run faster than his horses!
- The Big Lebowski
- watch it, and if you have already, watch it again!
- Is taking over the planet!! No pervin on facebook though malheureusement!!
- Belvo rugby
- With Rocks junior school, performance enhancing drugs programme and importing policies, Belvo are gonna have to do some serious work to catch up. With probably our last year of elite rugby players finishin up and our school bein too proud to offer Ben Geraghty a car to stay back a year, we might need to bring back the oul Junior School to insure success in the future! Good crop of players in second year coached by Gibbo and Synott. Might just get a trip up O'Conell Street in 4 years!
- Fat bitch in sweet 16!
- To the fat cunt and her two fatter sisters off super sweet 16. You girls better hope your bebo's are on private or I'm gonna scar ye for life. I cant believe ye three bears have the nerve to call anyone ugly you lard ridden terracotta dulux paint models. And from Kilkenny and all. i hope all the Alex birds have the fannys to gove ye the abuse you deserve coz If they dont, I will!! Just like I did to that giant infected spot, Lorcan!
- Crete '09
- How can DREAM continue to allow Belvo ladz go tot he place with the stories I've bin hearin. My top concerns include 1) bein too jarred to get the plane. 2) gettin to the airport, heffo breakin the law and the pilot deciding it's too unsafe to fly us! 3 Dying 4) Someone pukin in the pool 5) gettin a chick pregnant in a drunken disaster........
- The Craven family dinner conversations
- At a typical craven family dinner. My mam informs the family that she is soon to have a new black student in her class called ERECTION. My da, known to many as the pun king doesn't hesitate in sayin, "jaysus, he's probably tall lyin on his back". I fuckin wet myself but my mam goes, "will ye relax, he hasn't come yet". at this stage, i was ready to collapse. the rest of the family were in knots and adam was completely confused. Step in the pun king. "Jaysus, he must be some wanker"! classic
- Andy Ryan
- Andy Ryan started a major fitness regime 2 weeks ago after purchasing 300 euro worth of weights. 35 seconds, a mere 6 push ups into his first routine, he burst a blood vessel in his eye! Only could happen to Andy who's destined to become a scrawny pilot who will no doubt crash his plane!
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Welcome to John Craven's Grind my Gears,the official list of what Cravo dislikes (could take a while) please let me know what i have missed as there are so many.
1)Fergal Ross's actual weight.
2)Imported clothes ie Abercrombie etc
3)Hoodies with College names on them
4)People who are anti Britain for no reason.
5)People who wear white shirts in school.
6)People with died blond hair
7)Scanno's use of irrelevant vocabulary
Going for a poo in a portaloo
9)America in General
10)The smig in general
11)People who carry around there shakers as water bottles.
12)The new ref
13)People who wear school bags everywhere in school,"Your not
14)When Dunner does't get the train
15)Helen Barden's homework and disproportional chin
16)People who say the popular phrase "OOOOO SWEEEET!"
17)Dot's usage of the popular creatine product "Creatamax
1 People who deviate from the norm of school uniform by adding different colour trousers,ties,shirts etc
19)McEntee's seemingly unstopable journey into becoming his brother.
20)Eoghan McGrath's recent choice of anarchic hair stylings inspired by numerous rock merchants throughout the globe.
21)Jaffa Cakes which are not licensed by the popular confectionary brand,"McVitees"
22)The fact that McVitees did not take out a patent/copright on jaffacakes.
23)John Craven is available for part time taxi service free of charge if ur willing to listen to his ramblings on the above subjects.
24)Blue Maxwell House coffee as you have to add more sugar then the alternate Red Maxwell House coffee.Coffee?Like seriously John could you be more like an old man if you tried?Don't answer that.....
25)Scripted Reality shows which follow the lives of the wealthy youth elite in places like Laguna Beach and Cheshire.
26)The disadvantage people in Dublin whom feel in necessary to tuck ones socks into ones shoes in order to show off their oversized,nike branded "Astranout Boots"
27)Irelands Call,"Did i fight in 1916 to hear that shit"Note the irony as John also hates people who constantly go on about 1916
2 Mcbeth the play.Johns critique claims the acting is of poor quality and it is basically a load of shit.Here here.
29)E4+1 - He feels that a digital channel should not need a suplimentary channel to simply repeat old programming.Plus it doesnt play the angelus......
30)People who drink powerade during school.Do you need "optimum hydration" in school?
31)Shakespeare in general.The quality of acting in Macbeth!
32)Penco's elaborate choice of facial piercing.
33)People who overdress for run of the mill school occasions such as Non Uniform days."Who are they trying to impress".
34)Little roughians who dare challenge his authority as temporary prefect,although his lack of identification is a hindrance.
35)People who gel their hair in school again he questions thier personal sexual preferance with referance to their attendance to a male only school.
36)The flawed designs of earphones of popular mp3 players,yet does he even own one,perhaps an early model....or a cassette player
37)The popular band "The Coronas",John questions their validity as thespians of the noble art of Music beacuase of their privaliged upbringing.
3 Soccer pundits who do not conform to the pre conceived archytype ala Eamonn Dunphy,pundits who are not very contraversial eg Jaime Redknapp.
39)The costly digital sports service provided by Setanta Sports.John goes on to describe a contraversial theory about Liverpool not being shown on tv etc but who cares.....
40)Andy Ryans lack of knowledge re football and the turncoat nature of his support to his beloved Chelsea FC.
41)Fat Free 99% Mayonaise,John questions it's ingredients at the somewhat roly poly nature of the eaters of this apparent "low fat" product.
42)The Quality of RTE's teletext service,seriously John teletext?
43)The sporting brand Nike,John nobally d
3 Comments 288 weeks
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."
Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Derek Redmond: "Well Derek, tell us about your amazing third leg."
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said, "look at that magnificent erection."
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
0 Comments 299 weeks
why the number 11 is bad!!! dis is really freaky. as u read more of it it becomes more freaky
1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11. 3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6+5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911. 9 + 1 + 1 = 11.
Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident. Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle.
The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
Still uncovinced about all of this..?!
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end: Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
5 Comments 354 weeks