Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q: What Are The Small Bumps Around A Woman's Nipples For?
A: Its Braille For "Suck Here".

Q: Why Did God Give Men Penises?
A: So They'd Have At Least One Way To Shut A Woman Up.

Q: What Is An Australian Kiss?
A: It Is The Same As A French Kiss, But Only Down Under.

Q: What Do You Do With 365 Used Condoms?
A: Melt Them Down, Make A Tire, And Call It A Goodyear.

Q: Why Can't You Trust A Woman?
A: How Can You Trust Something That Bleeds For Five Days And Doesn't Die?

Q: Why Are Hurricanes Normally Named After Women?
A: When They Come They're Wild And Wet, But When They Go They Take Your House And Car With Them.

Q: What's The Speed Limit Of Sex?
A: 68; At 69 You Have To Turn Around.

Q: Why Do Girls Rub Their Eyes When They Get Up In The Morning?
A: They Don't Have Balls To Scratch.

A - dam good kisserX
B - Good all around person!x
C - You're wild and crazy!x
D - You have one of the best personalities ever!x
E - You have a nice ass!x
F - People totally adore you!x
G - You never let people tell you what to do!x
H - You have a very good personality and looks!x
I - You Have A Great Sense Of Style!x
J - Everyone loves you!x
K - You like to try new things!x
L - You live for Pizza!x
M - Success comes easily to you!x
N - You are the sexiest motherfucker alive!x
O - You are one of the best in bed!x
P - You are popular with all types of people!x
Q - You are a hypocrite!x
R - Absolutely sexy!x
S - Have great legs!x
T - You're loyal to those you love!x
U - You are really chill!x
V - You are not judgemental!x
W - You are very broad minded!x
X - You never let ppl tell u wat to do!x
Y - One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for!x
Z - You like it in the butt VERY VERY HARD


M - Success comes easily to you!x
I - You Have A Great Sense Of Style!x
C - You're wild and crazy!x
H - You have a very good personality and looks!x
A - dam good kisserX
E - You have a nice ass!x
L - You live for Pizza!x

C - You're wild and crazy!x
A - dam good kisserX
L - You live for Pizza!x
L - You live for Pizza!x
A - dam good kisserX
G - You never let people tell you what to do!x
H - You have a very good personality and looks!x
A - dam good kisserX
N - You are the sexiest motherfucker alive!x

Find your birthday...

January: I ate
February: I had babies with
March: I felt up
April: I messed around with
May: I peed on
June: I robbed
July: I partied with
August: I shot
September: I beat up
October: I dressed up as
November: I got married to
December: I had drunken sex with

Find the day of your birthday ...

1: some random girl
2: Michael Jackson
3: my English teacher
4: a book
5: Frankenstein
6: Martha Stewart
7: a bottle of Hennesse
8: a flamingo
9: a bag of chips
10: a chair
11: thingy Cheney
12: some random guy
13: a Teletubby
14: myself
15: a ninja
16: a penguin
17: a pole
18: an apple
19: a pyrate
20: my finger
21: George Bush
22: a cell phone
23: Ron Jeremy
24: a statue
25: a gnome
26: a hippo
27: my shoes
28: a prostitute
29: a porn star
30: my best friend
31: a cat

Find the FIRST letter of your FIRST name...

A: for the money
B: for the hell of it
C: and it sucked
D: to be cool
E: to be naked
F: to eat cheese
G: but my mom told me to
H: for my girlfriend
I: for my boyfriend
J: to be sexy
K: and I had twins
L: at school
M: and it was fun
N: and I had a sex change
O: and I threw up
P: and something shrank
Q: in the pool
R: and then I streaked
S: and it was boring
T: because I was drunk
U: for a shopping spree
V: and I liked it
W: in the dark
X: and I got sick
Y: under the sheets
Z: in a laundry mat