1. Would You Give me Your Number?

2. Do You Love Me?

3. Would You Let Me Kiss You?

4. Would you Kiss Me?

5. Would You Have Dinner With Me?

6. Would You Let Me Take You To The Cinema?

7. Take A Shower With Me?

8. Would You Be My Girlfriend?

9. Tell Me You Think Im Cute?

11. Take Me Home For The Night?

12. Would You Let Me Sleep In Your Bed?

13. Re-Post This For Me Too Let Me Answer Your questions?

14. Do You Think Im Attractive, Beautiful Or Sexy?

15. Do You Like my Style?

16. Do You Think Im Funny?

17. Do You Care About Me?

18. Would You Dance With Me?

19. Would You Sing Happy Birthday To Me?

An few hours ago I was walking through the supermarket trying to figure out where the buggers had moved the freshly made sandwiches to. I found them eventually, but to get there I had to push through a jungle of Christmas decorations on sale and a wild mob of insane mothers who had probably never heard of prozac bickering and scrapping over the last Barbie Doll. Narrowly missing a flying coconut (yep, a coconut in the Christmas section O.o) I reached out and grabbed a tuna sweetcorn sandwich, which was the precise moment that the Jingle Bells tune began to play in the store.

Amazingly, the psychotic mothers seemed to have called a truce to World War Three, joined arms in some sort of attempt to form a human chain and sung along. Terribly. All the sudden a fat bloke dressed in some ridiculous red suit, hat and cotton beard jumped into the aisle and began mumbling some inhuman speech which sort of sounded like 'ho-ho-cough-ho-ho-coughahhhhaaaaaccooouugghhhh-ho-ho'. After blowing his nose the red plonker skipped up the aisle patting the kids on the head. Singing along to Jingle Bells. Terribly. Worse than Chico from the X-Factor.

When the overweight McDonalds addict disapeared Jingle Bells stopped and Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love began to play. At which point the mothers cancelled their peace treaties, causing the United Nations (in this case, security guards) to get involved, sadly the poor guys were outnumbered by a few handbags or two. As I picked up the sandwich off the shelf, still dumbstruck to have walked into a building full of loonies, Bleeding Love was turned off and Jingle Bells started again. Mothers stopped fighting. They sang. Terribly. Red plonker appeared. He patted kids heads and sung. Terribly. Music stopped. Leona Lewis played. Mothers fighting. Second wave of security guards. More handbags flying. Leona Lews stopped. Jingle Bells started. Mothers stopped fighting. They sang. Terrbibly. Red nutcase appeared. He patted kids heads and sung. Terribly. Jingle Bells stopped then immediatley started again.
By this time I had to drop my precious tuna sweetcorn sandwich and literally climb over the shelves and out the store. Just what exactly is a Jingle Bell anyway?

I have absolutley nothing against Christmas. But I have never got why Jingle Bells has to play in my supermarket a month before December. Or why mothers have to wage war over the last of the Barbie Dolls. Or why some fat idiot in a red suit can so easily get away with poking other peoples children. Or why Dreaming of a White Christmas is apparently racist. Or why people would leave cookies and milk on the fireplace so dad can munch on them at midnight. Or why reindeers can fly. Matter of fact I've never really understood the tooth fairy either (just what DOES she do with those teeth?).

Don't get me wrong, Christmas is my favourite time of year, when else do you get people plunging into millions worth of debt just to buy you the latest technology?
However, this year I have all I need for Christmas, and that is by girlfriend Kayla. Nothing is more valuable to me than her. Hopefully in the future we'll be hearing more wedding bells than jingle bells.

Merry Christmas folks, folkines and folklores. And plonkers in red suits