Being a Kiwi is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home,
grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and
watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and...
Only in N.Z...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in N.Z...do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in N.Z...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in N.Z...do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in N.Z...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and & lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in N.Z...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in N.Z...are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...
3 Kiwis die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
58 Kiwis are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Kiwis have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
8 Kiwis had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Kiwis were admitted to emergency in the last two Years
after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
and finally.....
In 2000 eight Kiwis cracked their skull whilst throwing up in the toilet

IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE KIWI POST THIS ON YOUR BLOG

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
8. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
9. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
11. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
16. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
17. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went bonkers.
18. Ever wonder about those people who spend $3.00 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE.
19. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
20. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that the other one enjoys it?
21. Did you forget your troubles for 2 minutes? Then enjoy the rest of the day.

hey

well seeing as its now after 4am im pretty pissed off. no thanks to the drunk german bastards upstairs. its very god damn week now - at least once. okay for those if you who know, redhill is kinda like masterton (though redhill has a nightclub whereas masterton doesnt since stellar closed down) so basically you have a few pubs that close at mignight during the week (hitting on the hot bartenders doesnt help keep them open either [ive tried, my friends have tried it doesnt work]) . anyway going back to the germans.

i know that you need the bring people back with you occassionly but cant you just go back to their's for once!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! i dont that ive slept the whole night through since i arrived at the hotel. if its not doors, its paul doing god knows what at all hours of the day and night all i know is that it always invlves very loud music. and if its not paul, it malcolm and jono. and if its not them, its a drunken slut that one of them has brought home with them! im surprised that paul and thommy even manage to get any sex. who knew that german males shave EVERYTHING (and i mean everything - ive seen it) ??? i mean i laughed myself silly when i found out and still do whenever i/someone brings it up.

well now that ive thought a little about it, ive only once known paul to bring a girl back with him.... so what does that mean?? does he secrectly go seee bunny? or ian? or how about sam??

but these girls!! like honestly -- how the f*** do people manage to giggle that shrilly that it does through the floor and a couple of rooms over??? personally i think there is something wring with them. nromally i dont have this problem as i work nights but this week im on breakfast shifts (6.30am starts) so i need my beauty sleep. really.

so tired and pissed off....