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- Homer Quiz 12 Taken
Billy Connolly's take on the terrorists hitting Glasgow...
>"Good old Glasgow. If I had to pick a city in the world where I could depend on one of the locals to kick a man
>who was on fire, it would always be Glasgow. That really had to hurt - 90% burns and sore b0llocks...
>I think we should get a photo of that guy KICKING A FLAMING MAN, blow it up and make it the welcome sign at Glasgow Airport. Underneath we should have the words 'Glasgow Welcomes Careful Drivers'...
>I love the naivety of al-Qaeda. For trying to bring a religious war to Glasgow. You're 400 years too late guys!!
>You've not even got a Football Team for Christ's sake... I think that we should give Partick Thistle to al-Qaeda. If only for the joy of hearing them read out their
>team sheet on Saturday...
>The Sun last week urged us all to respond to the attack by flying the Union Jack. Really, in Glasgow that's never been a great way of getting your insurance premiums down...
>If we play this whole terrorism thing right, we could get al-Qaeda to blow up some of Scotland's eyesores. I think we should definitely start putting signs up round Shettleston's high flats that say 'Financial Quarter'...
>For a while, confusion reigned at Glasgow airport. Was it a terrorist attack or just Richard Hammond turning up late for check-in?
>People say it was lucky they didn't crash into a fuel container. I say it's lucky they didn't hit the queue coming out of Duty Free - the whole place would have gone up like Hiroshima...
>The best bit is being told that hundreds of people were saved from being hideously burnt...these were Scottish people flying to Spain! They'll come back looking like they've been bungee jumping off the lip of a volcano!"
0 Comments 310 weeks
0 Comments 323 weeks
Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate bout people:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser
0 Comments 326 weeks
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