You look a lot like my next-girlfriend.

That outfit is very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you I'd be cumming too.

Bond. James Bond.

Do you work for an-post? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

Is that a mirror in your pocket 'cause I can see myself in your pants.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off of you.

Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

I'm sine squared theta; you're cosine squared theta. Together we are one.

I want to be your derivative so I can be tangent to your curves.

I got arrested the other day. [For What?] For having two guns and a six pack.

Can I have directions? ['to where'] To your heart!!

Did it hurt? ['what?'] When you fell from heaven.

If I was a squirrel, I'd bust a nut in your hole.

Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink.

If your right leg's Christmas and your left leg's Thanksgiving, can we meet between the Holidays?

The word of the the day is legs. Let's go to your house and spread the word.

If you were a burger at McDonalds, you would be called McGorgeous!

Mind if I grab a hold of your scuppers and climb aboard?

That's a nice dress. It'd look great on the floor next to my bed.

Are your pants made of mirrors? Because I can see myself in them.

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

You will come home with me tonight.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

You know how kryptonite makes Superman weak? Well, you're my kryptonite, and I'm him.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I'd make your bed rock.

Hey baby, was your daddy a thief? Because you definitely seem like you were raised by felons.

Let's go home and play house you'll be the door and I'll practice slamming you!

May I swab ye' poop deck?

Scream and I will kill the kitten!

Want to play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell out of me!

I love every bone in your body, especially the one in my pants.

You look lovely, I would be honored if you will accompany me to a modestly priced meal at Red Lobster and then a night of romantic movies and board games.

I've got a magic watch that says your not wearing any panties ['I am']. Oh. It must be an hour fast.

You must work at Subway 'cause you're giving me footlongs!

Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice.

Do you raise chickens? Because you made my cock grow.

I know calculus. It says U+Me=Us.

Let's stop delaying the inevitable. You're hot, I'm hot. Let's just fuck now.

You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England ...

Would you help me look for my lost dog? I think he ran into that cheap motel room.

Got any Irish [Italian, Asian, etc.] in you? [Significant pause.] Want some?

If I said you had a nice body would you hold it against me?

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'm gonna tap that ass

Your name must be Mickey, because you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey.

So I hear you like to eat off of other people's meal plans...

Hey Baby, you look like a TI-89....because I want to put my natural log in you!

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. when she gives you a present on your b