Everyday, I get thousands upon millions of electronic mails asking how to pick up women. The truth of the matter - however unnatural and fundamentally opposed to everything you've ever learned about the opposite sex – is that a woman actually picks you. Worse yet, women are shamefully superficial: a woman will judge a man on his appearance alone, regardless of how big her rack is. And just how long after first sight does it take for a woman to decide if she’d sleep with a guy? Try 8.3 seconds*. That's 1.7 seconds faster than your typical rocket launch. Astonishing.

Without the verbal acumen, God-given physique, or the fashion literacy that allow me to ensnare a woman upon first glance, most men don’t stand a chance against the clock. Fortunately for you, I like to be ready for nightmare contingencies such as laryngitis or, heaven forbid, the sudden appearance of a zit. Therefore, I’ve started a list of a few easy-to-follow costume ensembles that allow virtually any man to make a first impression strong enough to defeat a woman’s 8.3 second barrier.

* Average time elapse based on a B.S. University study in which a cohort of attractive 18-22 year old females were exposed to pictures of random males and asked whether they would sleep with them. To legitimize the study, subjects were also shown a control picture of the lead researcher in a sharp suit and asked the same question.

MERCENARY
– Walk into a bar wearing a gun, a knife, and/or a grenade (toys preferred) and a woman’s first thought will be, “Now here’s a man who can protect me,” followed quickly with her second thought, “I’d like to engage in sexual relations with this heavily armed man.”


VETERINARIAN
– A smock covered in dog hair will instantly convince any woman to sleep with you. Why? Because there’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who actively sought an education in the early detection of feline diabetes and other animal maladies.


ROCK AND ROLL DRUMMER
– Carry a pair of drumsticks and wear a denim vest emblazoned with a patch of your favorite band. Nobody knows what the drummer looks like. NOTE: Avoid the “Def Leppard” patch unless you plan on being uncomfortable all night.


ARTIST
– Toss a beret on your melon and carry around a paintbrush and suddenly you’re the sensitive guy – which gives a woman the perverse pleasure of believing she might actually make you cry.


HAIR STYLIST
– Throw on a T-shirt two sizes too small for you, grab a hair dryer and an issue of Cosmo, and when you walk into a bar EVERY woman will want to be with you.


ESCAPED CONVICT
– Leg irons, and a black and white striped jumpsuit. Women love jewelry, a pin-striped suit, and danger. Combine all three and you’ll make her Sing Sing for ten to twenty-five (minutes).

R- Fuckin Sexy
E- You hav a nice ass
I- Love is something you deeply believe in
S- You're loyal to those you love.

****************************
A- damn good kisser
B- You fall in love quickly
C- You're wild and crazy
D- You have one of the best personalities ever
E- You have a nice ass
F- People totally adore you
G- You have a very good personality and looks.
H- You never let people tell you what to do.
I- Love is something you deeply believe in
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things
L- You are beautiful
M- Success comes easily to you
N- You're So Hott
O- You are one of the best in bed.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Fuckin Sexy
S- You're loyal to those you love.
T- You`r so Sexy
U- You are really chill.
V- You are not judgemental
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let ppl tell u wat to do
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for
Z- You like it in the butt very very hard...