1..Do i no u?
2..Are we friends?
3..When did i meet u?
4..Do u hav a crush on me?
5..Have u ever wanted ta punch me?
6..Give me a nickname nd tell me y u gav me da 1?
7..Describe me n 2 wrds?
8..Y did u describe me n dose wrds?
9..What reminds u of me?
10..If u cud giv me neting wa wud it b?
11..How well do u no me?
12..When s d lst time u saw me?
13..Ever wanted 2 tell me sumting da u cudn't?
14..u Gonna b my friend 4 ever?
15..r u gonna pu dis on ur blog nd c wa i tink bout u??

ADDRESS: Dur - I live with Selly...That total Virgin.... my mum - init!
TELEPHONE: Yeah right, I aint givin' you my number! and dont go givin m evils......
EMAIL: yeh_but_no_but_yeh_but@hotmail.com

ACADEMIC QUALIFICATIONS
Yeah but, no but, yeah but, what it was right, I sat next to Kelly Smith and she totally copied off me cos I told everyone about her wanking off Kevin smith outside McDonalds but Mrs Dodson like TOTALLY busted ME for it and said I was cheating and OH MY GOD I so cant believe she did that cos anyway everyone knows she's a total lezzer.

WORK EXPERIENCE
1996 - Pregnant
1997 - Pregnant again
1998 - Pregnant again
1999 - Pregnant again
2000 - South London young offenders institute

Yeh but, no but, yeh but, no but, what it was right, I never done nothin' right but Sharon Gordon said I stole that money from Mr Jackson wallet but I never did it right and anyway it was only 20 quid so she's a slag and she just hates me cos I told everyone about that time when she shat herself on the bus on that school trip to Blackpool and then i threw her nokia in the canal...as a joke and she was like you so have to buy me anuver one i was like yeah well at least my mams not got fat leg.....

2001 - McDonalds

Responsibilities - Serving.... em.. burgers nd.... fries nd shit...
Achievements - Stole Saminiga Shwazis big purple hair scrunchy nd shoved down the bog...

I never spat in them burgers - they was well out of order for firing me that is so unfair! This is like, well sexual harassment! God, this is exactly like the time Miss Rennig, who everyone knows is a total lesbian, made Candice Burton stay behind after PE, started telling her off for gobbing on Carina Tantan's hair. But everyone knows she only made her stay late because she wanted to get off with her, cuz when she was telling her off her legs were wide open and Candice reckons she could see her spider.

2002 - Pregnant again
2003 - Burger King

Responsibilities - Serving Burgers and fries like again...
Achievements - Gained 8 stones....

DDont go giving me evils! I never put tampons in the burgers - they was well out of order for firing me

2004 - South London young offenders institute again

What it was right, I never done nothin' right but Pauline Jackson said I put tampons in the burgers but I never did and anyway it was only that one time and Kevin Hops TOTALLY deserved it right cos he told everyone that I got fingered by Wayne Daniels outside wimpy but anyway he didn't even finger me he stuck it up my arse hole and he's just jealous cos everyone knows he's a puff

2005 - On welfare
2006 - South London young offenders institute again

Yeh but, no but, what it was right, I never done nothin' right but Tara Watson said I nicked her stereo right but I never nicked nuthin right and anyway it was only some shitty AKAI so she's a slag and she just hates me cos she's a lezzer and I told everyone about that time when she got fishy fingered by Kelly Smith behind the Little Chef in Brixton and anyway don't listen to her coz everyone knows her fanny goes sideways

"Pele was a complete player. I didn't see him live obviously, because I wasn't born"

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"

"I remember so clearly us going into hospital so Victoria could have Brooklyn. I was eating a Lion bar at the time"

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"

"We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion!"

"I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite - dark and loud."

"Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side" -when asked if he thought that he was a volatile player