14 things to do in Tesco whilst your other half is shopping
>
>
>01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys
> when they aren't looking.
>
>02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
> intervals
>
>03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies
> toilet.
>
>04. Walk up to an employee and tell him?her in an official tone:
> Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.
>
>05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.
>
>06. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
>07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you
> are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the
> bedding Department.
>
>08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask:
> "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
>
>09. Look right into the security
>camera, use it as a mirror and pick
>your nose.
>
>10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if
he
> knows where the anti-depressants are located.
>
>11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
> from Mission Impossible.
>
>12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse
>through,
>say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
>
>13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and
> assume the foetal position and scream "NO! ........It's those voices
> again!!!"
>
>And last but not least:
>
>14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell
> loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here."
>

0 Comments

BIMBOS!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. They put lipstick on their foreheads to make-up their minds.

2. They go to bed with a ruler to see how long they sleep.

3. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

4. She tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

5. She tried to drown a fish.

6. She put a stamp on a fax.

7. She studied for a blood test.

8. She tripped over a cordless phone.

9. She missed the 44 bus so she took the 22 bus twice




Limerick slang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Please come here, - C'mere I want ya.

> My runners smell, - Naful smill auf me tackies,

> Sorry I didn't quite catch that, - Oi wat ar u sayin.

> I was slightly drunk, - I was langers last nite.

> How are you ! - How's it goin sham !

> You silly person - Ya goul ya

> You really are a silly person - Ya goul bag.

> I'm afraid that I can't go for that, - I will en me ring

> Let's go out and get drunk - will we go on the batter?

> May I have a bag of chips with garlic dressing - givus a garlic
chipancheese

> You unlawful person - f*ckin' scobe

> There was quite a lot of people - there was a rake of people

> Running up the street - burnin' up the road

> Will you make love to me - gifs the ride

> Do you understand me - nowah mean man

> I will fight you - i'll claim ya

> Theres a swimming pool in the house - poolnalnit

> Please leave now - goway ou avit

> Run away now - do a legger man

> Have you got a cigarette - giz a fag boss

> Be quiet - whishtt

> Can you ride a horse - canya jock a horse

> Hello, I met you before in a pub but I can't remember your name -
How we doin Bud.....

> Sorry, I didn't quite catch that - whatru sayin.....

> How are you doing - Well, ow we gettin on

> You are a silly person - u lala

> You really are a silly person - your some lala

> Jennifer, would you come here please - Jen-Fer cmere i
> wan cha

> Lets drive up and down O'Connell Street in our Johnny Go Fast cars at
3.30am with the 1 petrol we have in the car - mon, we go cruisin'.

> If you continue to talk to me in that tone of voice I will hit you
-cape it up now and I'll bust you.

> I can't think of anything to slag you about, but your last comment
was very funny and everyone is now laughing at me - yah, like ur muther!!






Stupid tings

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

BIMBOS!!!!!!!!!!!
1. They put lipstick on their foreheads to make-up their minds.

2. They go to bed with a ruler to see how long they sleep.

3. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

4. She tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

5. She tried to drown a fish.

6. She put a stamp on a fax.

7. She studied for a blood test.

8. She tripped over a cordless phone.

9. She missed the 44 bus so she took the 22 bus twice





Limerick slang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Please come here, - C'mere I want ya.

> My runners smell, - Naful smill auf me tackies,

> Sorry I didn't quite catch that, - Oi wat ar u sayin.

> I was slightly drunk, - I was langers last nite.

> How are you ! - How's it goin sham !

> You silly person - Ya goul ya

> You really are a silly person - Ya goul bag.

> I'm afraid that I can't go for that, - I will en me ring

> Let's go out and get drunk - will we go on the batter?

> May I have a bag of chips with garlic dressing - givus a garlic
chipancheese

> You unlawful person - f*ckin' scobe

> There was quite a lot of people - there was a rake of people

> Running up the street - burnin' up the road

> Will you make love to me - gifs the ride

> Do you understand me - nowah mean man

> I will fight you - i'll claim ya

> Theres a swimming pool in the house - poolnalnit

> Please leave now - goway ou avit

> Run away now - do a legger man

> Have you got a cigarette - giz a fag boss

> Be quiet - whishtt

> Can you ride a horse - canya jock a horse

> Hello, I met you before in a pub but I can't remember your name -
How we doin Bud.....

> Sorry, I didn't quite catch that - whatru sayin.....

> How are you doing - Well, ow we gettin on

> You are a silly person - u lala

> You really are a silly person - your some lala

> Jennifer, would you come here please - Jen-Fer cmere i
> wan cha

> Lets drive up and down O'Connell Street in our Johnny Go Fast cars at
3.30am with the 1 petrol we have in the car - mon, we go cruisin'.

> If you continue to talk to me in that tone of voice I will hit you
-cape it up now and I'll bust you.

> I can't think of anything to slag you about, but your last comment
was very funny and everyone is now laughing at me - yah, like ur muther!!