An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world. For his first chapter he decided to write about famous Irish cathedrals. So he bought a plane ticket and made the trip to Dublin ,
thinking that he would work his way around Ireland.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
EUR10,000 per call.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by
what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a
Direct line to heaven and that for EUR10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Waterford . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw
the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Dublin and he asked a nearby nun
what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and
that for EUR10,000 he could talk to God.
O.K., thank you, said the American.
He then travelled to Kilkenny, Kerry, Limerick and Athlone and in
every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same EUR10,000
per call sign under it.With his first chapter going well, he left Galway and
travelled to Tipperary, and again at his first stop at the Church in Tipperary, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 10c per call.
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
Father, I have travelled all over Ireland, and I have seen this same
golden telephone in many cathedrals and churches. I am told that it
is a direct line to heaven, but in the rest of the country the price was
EUR10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?
The priest smiled and answered,
You're in Tipperary now my son......... it's a Local call...



posted by Denis Carroll



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You Know your from Tipp When...


1. YOU IMPERSONATE THE UNBELIEVEABLES (EVEN
THOUGH U HAVE A TIPP ACCENT)
2. YOU BUY TIN FOIL AND HAM FROM A WHOLESALERS
3. YOU THINK A TIPP JERSEY IS THE HEIGHT OF
FASHION
4. YOU DISLIKE LIMERICK/KILKENNY/GALWAY/CLARE
COUNTIES
5. YOU USE THE WORD "WELL" AS A GREETING
6. GUINNESS (NOT MURPHYS) IS THE ONLY STOUT U
DRINK
7. YOU BUY TIPPERARY SPRING WATER EVEN THOUGH
YOU HAVE ON TAP
8. YOU BELIEVE ITS THE HOME OF HURLING DESPITE
HAVING LESS TITLES THAN CORK & KILKENNY !!!!
9. YOU PRONOUNCE TEA AS TAY
10. YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF ANY OTHER TIPPERARY
TOWN/PARISH OUTSIDE OF YOUR OWN
11. TRAMORE WAS YOUR IDEA OF A SUMMER HOLIDAY
12. PEOPLE THINK YOU TALK FUNNY WHEN YOU RETURN
HOME FOR THE WEEKEND (TIPP PEOPLE CAN PICK UP A DUBLIN 4 ACCENT AFTER
5 MINS)
14. YOU SING "SLIEVENAMON" FOR NO APPARANT
REASON DESPITE NOT VISITING THE AREA
15. YOU HATE SINGING "ITS A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY"
16. YOU HATE BEING ASKED "WHERE ARE YOU FROM"
WHEN U HAVE JUST TOLD SOMEONE YOU ARE FROM TIPP (ONLY APPLIES TO TIPP
TOWN RESIDENTS)
17. YOU COME ACROSS AS BEING ARROGANT
18. YOU SAY "THATS RIGHT" WITHOUT REALISING
19. YOU WERE NOT TAUGHT HOW TO PRONOUNCE ANY WORDS
BEGINNING WITH THE LETTERS T & H IN SCHOOL, ALL ARE PRONOUNCE USING "DE"
AS IN "DE TOWN"
20. YOU USE THE SAME PUB WHEN ATTENDING A MATCH
OR CONCERT IN DUBLIN OR CORK....QUINNS IN DUBLIN AND REARDONS OR McCORMACKS IN CORK
21. YOU LOVE GALTEE FOODS, CALVITA CHEESE IS ALSO A JIGSAW
22. YOU HAVE A RELATION WHO IS (A) A GARDA OR (B) A NURSE
23. YOU WORKED IN THE LOCAL CREAMERY AT SOME POINT
24. YOU THINK LOUSIE MORRISSEY IS A TOP ENTERTAINER

You know your a junior Hurler when.....

1. You spend all winter on the beer speculating on who will be
brought in to manage the team next year.

2. The hardest tackle you will make all year is in an indoor soccer
match in January.

3. When you break your brother-in-law's leg.

4. There are 35 at training under lights on a bitter February night
(unfit but enthusiastic) - the average for August is 7 (the rest
are either unfit, sick of training, repeating exams, in the US or
making silage)

5. When you go for a pick-up, you fumble the ball at least twice
before you just pull on it.

6. The full forward has his son and nephew in the corners.

7. The nephew is two years older.

8. For a 2.30 throw-in, you start packing your kitbag at 2.40 and
still manage to be on the field before the referee even arrives.

9. You can get a match called off because your star player is
playing for the County under-16's the following week.

10. Your tight marking corner back never gives an inch - except of
course, when the ball gets inside his own 50 and he charges out
after it with all the other backs, forgetting that the other team are even
on the field.

11. Your goalie lets in a sitter every second game - this usually
happens after you have scored 5 points from play to reel in a
difficult half-time deficit.

12. Or in the first minute if it is a final.

13. Your full-forward can't score but "he's a good man to bust up
the play".

14. Your centre-forward can't score either but "he'll stop a good
man from playing".



15. Your championship is either a round robin that requires you to
play six league games to eliminate one team, or a knockout starting
in October.

16. Your no 8 cant catch the ball and is only there because he is
the tallest lad in the parish.

17. Any members of your panel who claim to have back injuries are
either lazy or completely daft. Unless you can see blood, bruises
or bandages, they are making it up.

18. Before every match, the forwards are told to stay wide and not
bunch - but this is not what happens. The only time any forward
goes wide is if they are looking for water.

19. Your backs play from behind pulling with one hand while
resting the other on the forward's back - this is why all your scores and
all their scores come from frees.

20. A pint after mass is the usual warm up for a game.

21. You can't field a team during the June because of Junior Cert and Leaving Cert

22. Your left-corner-back plays at No.4 because he is one of only 2
people who can strike with their left hand

23. Ditto No.7.


24. After every away match you can't wait till next year "to get
them bastards down to our pitch and give them a kickin'"

25. Your star player always has one other brother "that was even
better but he couldn't stay off the drink".