Gnomalicious definition make them girls go loco
They want his treasure so they get their pleasures from his photo
You could see you, you can't squeeze him
He ain't easy, he ain't sleazy
He got reasons why he tease 'em
Girls just come and go like seasons

[Hook]
Gnomalicious (Fergalicious)
But he ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
He blows kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them girls on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what he got (four, tres, two, uno)

[Chorus]
So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (He puts them girls on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what he got)
Gnomalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

[Verse 2]
Gnomalicious def-, Gnomalicious def-, Gnomalicious def- [def fading echo]
Gnomalicious definition make them boys go crazy
They always claim they know him
Comin' to him call him elfy (Hey Elfy)
He's the G to the N, O, M the E
And can't no other fella put it down like him

[Hook]
He's Gnomalicious (so delicious)
His body stay vicious
He be up in the gym just working on his fitness
I'm his witness (oooh wee)
He put yo' girl on rock rock
And she be lining down the block just to watch what he got (four, tres, two, uno)

[Chorus]
So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (He puts them girlss on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what he got)
Gnomalicious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

[Vamp]
Baby, baby, baby
If you really want him
Honey get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste
He'll be tasty, tasty, He'll be laced with lacey
It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy

[Will he is]
T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Gnomie
***

All the time he turn around always sista's gather round always looking at him up and down looking at his
(uuhh)
He just wanna say it now he ain't tryin to round up drama little mama he don't wanna take your woman
And he knows He's comin off just a little bit conceited and he keeps on repeating how the girls wanna eat it
But he's tryin' to tell, that he can't be treated like clientele
Cuz' they say he's

[Hook]
Delicious (So delicious)
But he ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
He blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them girls on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what he got (got, got, got)
Four, tres, two, uno
His body stay vicious
He be up in the gym just working on his fitness
I'm my witness (oooh wee)
He put yo' girl on rock rock
And she be lining down the block just to watch what he got (four, tres, two, uno)

[Chorus]
So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)
He's Gnomalicious, t-t-t-t-t tasty, tasty

It's so delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)
He's Gnomalicious, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t (aye, aye, aye, aye)

[Well he is]
T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y boy you tasty
T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty, T to the A, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty
T to the A to the S T E Y boy you tasty, T to the A, to the, four, tres, two, uno
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, to the, to the.....

Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now...

That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.

After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...

And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.