Phil <sticks_91>

"you're in bad company now"

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hahaha it was about david hasselhoff, but i changed it.256 weeks ago
1. phil is awesome.

2. phil once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

3. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures phil
allows to live.

4. When he was born, the nurse said, "Holy sh!t!
That's phil!" Then she had had s�x with him. At that point, she was
the third girl he had slept with.

5. When phil goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room, there are 1,242 objects phil could use
to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular video-game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed
two quid from phil and forgot to pay him back.

8. phil can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are phil's way of telling the world that 'sometimes corn needs
to lie the fu*k down.'

10. When phil jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets philled instead.

11. phil is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of

12. phil can divide by zero.

13. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by phil, and those listed in
the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

14. phil can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At night.

15. You are what you eat. That is why phil's diet consists entirely of
bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

16. phil once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his
Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of
Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

17. phil played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

18. If you were to lock phil in a room with a guitar, a year later
you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.
When asked why he doesn't do this phil replied "Because Grammys are for
queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

19. On his birthday, phil randomly selects one lucky puppy to be
thrown into the sun.

20. phil doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his
d**k in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fu**ing another.

21. When phil does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down.

22. Whenever phil puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion
into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind

23. phil invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of
visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

24. phil coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse"
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

25. phil haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
 posted by Phil 

1 Comment:

Catherine said...9/24/08
:L :L Corn does need to lie down some times....
Poor corn =[
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