. Phillips . <bigiain2005>
"I can resist everything except temptation"
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|Please wait while I try to connect you??????????????.||273 weeks ago|
|The average male in a lifetime will spend 10 years working, 3 years on the toilet, 2 years exercising, 1 year shopping, six months having sex and a whopping 5years is spent queuing and on hold. The women vary slightly, they spend half the time on the toilet as they prefer not to pick up the latest top gear magazine to find out what BHP the new Lambo is kicking out. They also spend half the time exercising and double the time shopping and that really does go to prove Jade Goody?s logic ?Shopping is exercising!!? Yes Jade and that is why you are fat!! These figures were taken from 2001 and I think that the males are probably now pinching the sex title as I am sorry to say; there has been an influx in the amount of time spent bumming; certainly in prisons but more recently on certain males social calendar. However we both spend the same amount of time on hold. |
With my work I spend a lot of time on the phone speaking with clients but also I took on a flat recently and that has meant I have had to set up all the bills to my name and sort out a few things. This has not been an easy task and was made a lot more difficult when people waste your time phoning your house.
? Good afternon, Is hat Mr. Phillip??
?No it?s Phillips but carry on?
?Um?ello sir my nam is James?
From his accent logic told me he was from the east, but not only did he have an accent which was of somebody from this region I could sense his English only stretched to that which was typed on the screen of his computer. This led me to believe this specific call centre was based out in Asia. At this point my mind triggered and I questioned what he had just told me. My name is James ? if that?s true then I invented Tikka Masala!! Why lie to me Mohammad? By calling yourself a British sounding name is not going to make me think your British when you can?t even say my name correctly. So in the first 10 seconds of this conversation he misread my name and then proceeded to lie to me. This isn?t doing much for international relations and it?s certainly not making me want to listen to him much longer let alone purchase anything from him. However I decided to give James/Mohammad a chance and find out why he needed to interrupt me from Jeremy Kyle.
Every question he asked me was a yes/no styled question and being the nice guy I am I decided to answer in every phrase bar yes and no. Oh poor James Mohammad had no idea if I had a mobile phone and he certainly had no idea if I received free minutes but he came to the conclusion that I wasn?t happy with my network provider. Rather than ask me the same question twice he rattled through all his questions allowing me minimal time to answer and if my answer was over a word long he would speak over me and carry on with a massive spiel about how he could save me money. Not only am I ?pay as you go? but also it would take much more than some chump from a call centre in Beijing to get me to change to their network.
But this crap service is not only specific to our Asian friends but to most English call centres. I have spent most of the last month on hold, and told lies too by people in call centres. But to get to this highlight of the whole charade you have to spend considerable time speaking with an automated system. I spent 5 minutes speaking to Steven Hawkins before referring myself to an advisor; little was I to know that the automated system was the better option.
Press one - if you want to place an order
Press two - if you have already placed an order
Press three - if you have a problem with your product
Press four - if you want to shoot yourself
Press five - to speak to an advisor
After I depressed the number five on the keypad a mixture of Bach and Beethoven was played down the phone line interrupted every few minutes with a voice over from none other than Princess Anne stating that by Royal Decree? ?All our operators are busy, your call is very important to us, please hold the line and one of our operators will be with you shortly.? Bach came on again? then Princess Anne ?All our operators are busy, your call is very important to us, please hold the line and one of our operat.?
?Hello my name is Janet, how can I help you?? It is such a beautiful feeling when you are taken off hold; emotions of pure delight and joy engulf you. Like what I imagine a little win on a scratch card would be like or similar to the feeling you get when the doctor notifies you that the stinging coming from your genitals is not herpes but just a little urine infection. It turned out Janet couldn't help me and i was returned to the singing phone.
As I get reacquainted with ?Beethoven?s - ninth symphony finale? I find myself questioning the training in these call centres. Why are people not given the appropriate training and information so they don?t have to put you on hold? Why are they not given the same training as the person they all go and speak to when they put you on hold? And why can?t we ever speak to this colleague with the fountain of knowledge? You would have more chance getting an appointment with the head of the Taliban, than you would speaking with a supervisor in a call centre. When I was eighteen I had a short spell in a call centre, I was only allowed to work 3 hours shifts as I had a short attention span but I realised you work with two types of people. The first being temps who are generally students doing this as a summer job who do not care about the person on the phone but are only there to earn some beer tokens or a new pair of shoes depending on their sex. Although they do tend to have a good telephone manner and are generally polite, but they have a tendency to end your call prematurely if they don?t like the sound of you or if you ask something confusing. The second is a non-educated, drug abuser with two kids one called Rhianna and the other Beyonce who just finished her standard grades and achieved 3 of them!! The supervisor just happens to be a 23year old chain smoker with a HNC in business and when he is not outside puffing on a fag he is impregnating the teenage mums in the office cupboard.
Dealing with these people is stress, which the average male does not need. If you think I lack patience then you would be right. Is patience a virtue? I think not unless you happen to be an admirer of classical music and wasting your life away with a telephone stuck to your ear. Next time you are put on hold and wonder why the operator seems out of breath on her return, it is for this reason; She has just had to run out the office, down the stairs, through the security swipe card door and round the corner to the bike shed where her boss is having a fag, ask him for the relevant advice whilst he proceeds to communicate the information with his tongue tickling her tonsils and a hand up her top and then run all the way back?.
?(gasp) Hello sir (gasp) sorry for the wait (gasp) I have rectified that for you. Is there anything else I can help you with??
|posted by . Phillips .|
|Beth McWhirter said...||4/27/08|
|I really feel you have too much time on your hands to be writing such a long blog, although I agree. A call centre, one day is likely to tip me over the edge as I gave no patience and quite a temper on me so doesn't mix well with being on hold!|
|Klaire Mc said...||5/17/08|
|your back on top. thsi si soo true i hate hate hate call centres. most think i am my mum and not me. despite living in diffrent adresses and havnt diffrent names (claire and maragret are two diffrent sounding names!!)|
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