Tim Sheil <1asdf2>
|Rules of shotgun||3/3/08|
|Stake your Claim: You must shout out "Shotgun" clearly and loudly. In order for this claim to be valid, at least one other member of the party must hear it.|
Finish The Job: In order to establish a clearly-defined time frame for the calling of Shotgun, Shotgun can only be called after the event immediately preceding the car ride. This is can be going out to eat, or visiting a friend or whatever. This is to prevent someone from calling Shotgun for an upcoming trip far into the future. This I should mention is a severe sin.
Take It Outside: The calling of Shotgun can only take place outside. This defines the precise moment that time frame for the calling of Shotgun begins. In addition, you must be outside with the intention of walking to the vehicle and driving. The jingling of keys is usually a very good indication of this. Hearing the driver say "let's go" is another one.
No Barefoot: You must have your shoes on to call Shotgun. This is to prevent someone from just grabbing their shoes and running out the door to call Shotgun and then put on shoes.
Re-Entry: If you go outside and call Shotgun, and then go back in for any reason, your call of Shotgun becomes void, and can immediately be called by someone else.
Line-Of-Sight: In the event that the activity directly prior to the car-ride is outdoors, the vehicle must be completely in sight in order to call Shotgun.
Abandoning Your Post: If the person sitting in Shotgun leaves their seat for any reason, then Shotgun immediately becomes available for other passengers.
Exception: If the Shotgunner leaves his seat to allow other passengers to get into the vehicle or is running an errand for the driver, they retain their Shotgun position.
Hand-On-Door or Ass-In-Seat: If you manage to place your hand on the door of Shotgun or sit in Shotgun before anyone calls Shotgun, you are hereby granted Shotgun even if someone calls Shotgun afterwards.
Multiple Cars: If there are multiple cars involved, when calling Shotgun you must specify which car you are calling Shotgun for. For example, calling out the drivers name or the type of vehicle immediately following "Shotgun".
In-Context: Someone can only call Shotgun, in the actual context of calling Shotgun. Asking if someone has called Shotgun is not in itself a calling of Shotgun. Talking about Shotguns is also not.
|The Future of Nursery Rhymes||12/6/07|
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
"What have u got there?"
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.
Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
|Accurat Discription of Ireland's Counties||10/25/07|
| Accurat Discription of Ireland's Counties |
Carlow = Mad for sugar beet, can't get enough of it. Hobbies: Growing
Cavan = filthy, ignorant hillbillies, tight. Hobbies: discovering IRA
ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas.
Clare = fiddle-playing charming people and, more recently, fine
footballers. Hobbies: Falling into pot-holes and being never heard
from ever again, setting up golf courses in their back lawns.
Cork = the loveable rogues of Ireland. Here for everyone else's
entertainment. Hobbies: Milking cows, being European capital of
culture but not knowing what exactly that means or how they got it
Donegal = away in their own world up there, not much known about this
eccentric type. Hobbies: Stripping the Irish coast of fishies, running
back up to their corner of the island and blaming the spanish?.aye
twas the spanish!!
Dublin North = criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, dirty
women, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste. Hobbies:
Heroin and watching serial numbers being filed off stolen BMW's,
joy-riding anything from a lexus to a washing machine.
Dublin South = west Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women. Hobbies:
talking shite and sleeping with their best friend's spouse or mother.
Galway = sophisticated culchies, sexually adventurous, cultured and
wealthy. Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists,
dropping acid, juggling with fire on the streets, paying a million
pounds for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending it was a
Kerry = God's kingdom on earth, no doubt about it. Some of the best
land in Ireland but they don't tell anyone this. Hobbies: Football,
swimming with dolphins, football, seeing how many foreigners they can
score each year, football, hosting a massive festival every week,
football, going to the south pole and football.
Kildare = is anyone really from Kildare or are they all just from
Dublin? Hobbies: Denying they have anything to do with Dublin.
Spending best part of 4 hours each day travelling to and from Dublin.
Using Daz for whiter than white jerseys on a summer's day.
Kilkenny = red haired alcoholics who refuse to believe not all land in
Ireland is capable of growing barley and wheat "not a bother". Hobbies
= driving massive combines, hosting comedy festivals and having
Laois = harmless aul bunch of lads, hope to have the whole county
by-passed at some stage by 2025 so they can get on with their own
business. Hobbies: Living an honest life, collecting EU development
grants, getting the piss taken out of them for being the queen's
county?haha ye plantation bastards!
Leitrim = enigmatic reclusive weirdos. Hobbies: learning about traffic
lights and roundabouts in school (night school for adults that is)
Limerick = grand place, great sports people, city has bad reputation
through no fault of its own. Hobbies: stabbing people, gang-land
murders, drug hauls, graffiti spraying, joy-riding?.
Longford = Gombeen men. Hobbies: Legalising bestiality.
Louth = IRA supporters, smugglers and bandits. Hobbies: Tearing
through Cooley at 125MPH trying to stop the boxes of cheap vodka from
falling out the window.
Mayo = Depressing, defeatist, negative, misery-laden losers, emigrate
as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Hobbies: roaring about how great
they are, whinging about why nobody likes them.
Meath = either Dublin wannabes or mad country bucks. Hobbies: Beating
Dublin at GAA and hoping that one day somebody in Dublin will actually
notice, driving massive john deere's cos they're big, green and yellow
Offaly = Bog. Hobbies = exploiting bogs and later making them into
tourist attractions?hats off!
Roscommon = flat county, a silage pit is a mountain. Hobbies:
Sligo = either in their 20s and a surfer or in their 80s and a granny,
no in-betweens. Hobbies: Surfing and knitting wet-suits for their
Tipperary = promiscuous girls, Tipp does not have two different
Ridings for nothing! Hobbies: Getting a flat in Dublin and losing
their accents and hoping their parents don't find out.
Waterford = decent honest hard-workers generally good folks. Hobbies:
Calling a strike.
Westmeath = like most midlanders, generally boring. Hobbies, much like
some people up north, winning one football title and then believing
they know it all about football.
Wexford = Brown earth you'd wanna take home in your pockets. Hobbies =
selling their "home-grown" organic fruit (bought at supermarket that
morning) at the side of the road in summer and ripping-off gullible
Dubliners out for a drive in the country. Also beating Kilkenny in
hurling and going on the piss for the rest of the summer (with the
Wicklow = either country snobs with range rovers or poor aul sheep
farmers with peak caps and a small black and white sheep dog with dirt
all over him. Hobbies: setting up illegal dumps in their back lawns
and denying all knowledge of that 300,000 tons of asbestos, nappies
and syringes. Never saw it til now your honour.
Monaghan is missing, but did anyone really notice?