"Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor"
|Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip 'Letter from God to Man'||12/20/07|
How's it going?
I know I haven't been around much but it didn't seem like you wanted me to be.
The last time I sent down a message, you nailed it to a cross.
So I figured I'd just leave you to it and be your own boss.
But I've been keeping an eye on you, I have. And it's amazing how you've grown.
All your technological advances and the problems you've overthrown.
All the beautiful art you've created with such grace and such finesse.
But I must admit there are a few things that, I'm afraid, Have impressed me less.
So I'm writing to apologise for all the horrors committed in my name.
Although it was never what I intended I feel I should take my share of the blame.
A lot of the good I tried to do was corrupted when organised religion got into full swing.
What I thought were quite clear messages were taken to unusual extremes.
My teachings were taken out of context to meet the agenda of others.
Interpretations were taken in many different ways and hidden meanings 'discovered.'
Religion became a tool for the weak to control the strong.
With all these new morals and ethics survival of the fittest was gone.
No longer could the biggest man simply take what ever he needed,
Because damnation was the price if certain rules were not heeded.
Some of the deeds committed in my name just make me wonder where I went wrong.
Back at the start when I 'created' all of this, the foundations seemed so strong.
See all the elements wee already here long before I began.
I just kind of put them all together. I didn't really think out a long term plan.
I made the sun an appropriate distance and laid the starts across the sky,
So you could navigate this globe or simply experience a sunrise.
I covered the earth with plants and fruits, some for sustenance and some for beauty.
And made the sun shine and clouds rain so that maintenance wasn't your duty.
I tried to give each creature its own attributes. But without making them enveloped.
I gave you all space to grow and, in your own way, space to develop.
I didn't know that such development would cause rifts and jealousy.
Cause you to war against each other and leave marks on this planet indelibly.
You see, I wasn't the creator, more the curator of nature.
And I want to set things straight with homosexuals right now; I DON'T hate ya.
I was a simple being that happened to be the first to yield such powers.
But I just laid the ground. It was you that built the towers.
It was you that invented bombs and fear that comes with them.
It was you that invented money, and corrupt economic systems.
You invented terms like 'just wars' and terms like 'friendly fire,'
And it was you that didn't know when to stop digging deeper and when to stop building higher.
It was you that exhausted the resources I carefully laid out on this earth,
And it was you that even saw these problems coming but accredited them little worth.
It was you that used my teachings for your own personal gain
And it was you that committed such tragedies, even if they were in my name.
So I apologise for any mistakes I made and for when my words were misconstrued,
But this apology is to Mother Nature because I created you.
|The manly blog of manliness!||11/28/07|
|1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work. |
2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!
5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.
7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron
burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like?
10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18. TAKING OUT 200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do
that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
|Personality thing...ok I was bored and saw Eoghans one||11/15/07|
|Advanced Global Personality Test Results|
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Stability |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Orderliness |||||| 23%
Accommodation |||||| 23%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||||||||| 50%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||| 56%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Work ethic |||||| 30%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||| 70%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant || 10%
Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%
Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||| 30%
Individuality |||||||||||| 50%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Peter pan complex |||||||||| 36%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical fitness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Paranoia |||| 16%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hypersensitivity |||||| 23%
Indie |||||||||||||| 51%
Stability results were very high which suggests you are extremely relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture
|soundtrack to life||12/7/06|
|IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?|
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool....because your not!
the happiest days of our lives-pink floyd
First Day At School:
thunder and lightning-thin lizzy
Falling In Love:
absalute beginners-david bowie
manic depression-jimi hendrix
do it again-queens of the stone age
cretin hop-the ramones
rockaway beach-the ramones
Getting Back Together:
somebody put something something in my drink-the ramones
Birth of Child:
sunshine of your life-cream
get it on- t-rex
do you know what I mean-oasis
that's the way-led zeppelin
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat b*stard.
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.
Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
High blood pressure sufferers Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.
Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair
At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you starkers.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
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