Jeff Baring <JeffRep>

The Way Life Should Be!!!!3/14/07
 
I think the life cycle is all backwards!! You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger living space every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.
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Check out what one of my guests have put on the internet!! Ha Ha thanks!!3/13/07
 
Board Basis: Self Catering
Date of Holiday: Aug 2006
Tour Operator: Olympic Holidays
Submitted By: Miss AJ Blakebrough
Overall Rating: 9/10
Comments: Well, this was our 2nd visit to Anika and it was just as good as last year! They remembered us on arrival and gave us a fab room with the biggest balcony overlooking everyone!

The owners are fab and so friendly and the food is yummy! You get what you pay for but you can?t fault it! We saw about 2 cats and no dogs, same as last year!

Anyway, to all who want to see Faliraki for themselves then I highly recommend it and Anika!

Oh and Jeff (the rep) is gorgeous and so much fun!! Was our rep for both years and recognized us at the airport and was everywhere and anywhere all the time - luv him! He was on TV few weeks back doing the celebrity holiday rep thing! Hi Jeffy!

Anyway, go check out Faliraki, you wont want to come back! I might go back next year!

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Faliraki!!!3/3/07
 
Are you gonna sit in some poxy office with a cunt for a boss telling you what to do as you count your pennies trying to make ends meet in a country that's sinking into strikes and wars and at the end of the day you go home to your cosy little flat in 'nowheresville' and pull your IKEA curtains shut to hide from the big bad world and pretend it's not happening? Or are you gonna stand up and be counted, make a difference and feel the rush? Just for once say "fuck it". I'm coiled up like a spring and I'm ready to burst and wanking ain't doing it anymore. I need music to make me feel I'm still alive. I know what I'd rather do, mate. Faliraki!!. Love it!
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A guide to holiday reps!2/27/07
 
To all customers !! you think were bad?? read this !! 2 days ago


A Guide to Holiday Reps...

A lot of people ask me what my job actually is. It's not all getting laid and wrecked though, that's just the fun part, it is also pretty hard work. This is the best description of what I'm doing while you lot are living it up back home for the summer months...

Before reading this guide, you should realise that all reps are overpaid with almost no work to do. Bearing this in mind do not hesitate to demand the attendance of your rep at any time - day or night, for anything no matter how trivial. It really does break the monotony of a reps life to be urgently called at midnight to discuss the failure of the hotel to provide fresh hand towels thirteen days into a two-week holiday. Also, having demanded your reps attendance, it helps tremendously if you go out just before they are due to arrive. This gives the rep time to admire the lounge decor (reps seldom get to see hotel lounge areas and so this 'waiting time' is considered to be a major perk of their job and is guaranteed to lift there spirits!).

Try to avoid telling your rep anything. They are all mind readers and so are able to sort out your problems without conversation. However please be aware that reps are extremely lazy and so may well do nothing. If that is the case then you are well within your rights to threaten legal action against your holiday company. In your letters be sure to state that you notified the rep on several occasions and that they failed to take action. (Being mind readers this will be quite true even if you have not been to see your rep all holiday).

On arriving in resort you will be given a lot of paper called a 'Welcome Pack'. If possible, do not read any of this. It helps tremendously if you just leave it on the coach. Coach drivers collect these together with half filled coke cans, used tissues and apple cores squashed into the ashtray in the back of the seats. As a matter of interest the reason reps give out 'Welcome Packs' is because all reps are environmentally unfriendly and have shares in companies destroying rain forests. Ditching wads of paper on guests is a way of increasing company turnover plus clearing Brazil of all its annoying trees ready for tourist development.

Usually on your transfer coach the rep will start talking on the microphone. Please pay no attention t this, most reps have a second job testing audio systems for electronics companies; so what they are saying will be of no interest or help to you. Actually there second job is quite demanding so they have to practice all the time (even without a microphone) so to be on the safe side it is best never to listen to what the rep is saying. It will never be of any use to you on your holiday anyway!!

Reps are RICH!!! Be aware of the following: -

You rep owns the plane you arrived on.
Your rep owns the hotel you stay in.
If overbooked, you rep owns the hotel you should have stayed in.
Your rep owns the MET office and is totally responsible for all weather.

Being in such a powerful position, your rep is well able to stop plane delays, prevent over bookings and in partnership with GOD can banish adverse weather conditions in an instance. The only thing stopping the rep doing this is laziness, so please do complain of your two hour delay at Gatwick airport at every chance. Eventually your rep will then go back through time to prevent the delay and you can start enjoying your holiday (once the rep has sorted out the bad weather of course).

Reps visiting times - please pay no attention these. Your rep is supposed to be in yours and everybody else's hotels at all times (plus escorting you on all trips and transfers). If not then your rep is not doing their job properly and you have the grounds to sue the company, report them to watchdog or write to your MP. If you should come across your rep during visiting times, please try not to approach them while they are doing nothing (remember the importance of 'waiting time' to the rep). If possible, try to wait until they are packing their bags and about to leave (or to be really popular, reps especially love it if you grab them just as they start there bike or car).

Reps carry a spare stock of passports, flight tickets, plus replacement jewellery, money, traveller's cheques and other important items. If you lose any of these it is totally unnecessary to let you rep know until you have reached the departure terminal. Your rep will then be able to replace all lost items (also note that receipts will not be required. As being rich your reps are happy to pay all claims out of their own pockets.)

Questionnaires - these again are just a further attempt to increase turnover of paper for the rain forest depletion. Reps also have shares in ink companies and it would also please them no end if you put ink ticks all over the forms. Anywhere will do (the far right boxes are the easiest to reach).

Please remember that guests should never speak to hotel staff, coach drivers and airport workers. No matter how trivial the problem it is far better to shout at the rep when things get worse than to actually do anything yourself. Anyway it is the reps responsibility (being the owners of everything). Hotel, coach and airport workers are actually just models for uniform and clothing manufacturers and are employed to be purely looked at.

If a rep does manage to do something right for you (which by now you will have discovered is most unlikely) don't in any case thank, compliment or command the rep. It is a bit like feeding monkeys; if you do it they will expect everybody to do it.

The last point in the guide is more of a general hint for travellers. Whilst in foreign countries some people have trouble speaking and understanding, it is often claimed that this is because they speak a different language. This however is untrue All countries speak English as a first language. The ones with difficulties are either just thick or as is more often the case, just being awkward. The way around this in the former case is to speak as you would to an imbecile or in the second case to shout and get angry. Either of these two actions usually ensures full cooperation throughout your holiday. If not and you are faced with further difficulties, and then complain to your rep about staff rudeness and arrogance. Never under any circumstances try to neutralise your own heavy/regional accent or speak slowly to locals and avoid at all costs learning any words of another language.

Follow these words of advice and you will be sure to have the 'Holiday Of A Lifetime' that you much deserve and paid an awful lot of money for. (you can tell us this too !!).


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