Andy <technodancaphobic>

"<b>Who the fuck is the real Jim Brady<b>"

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Rangers season 2009 8/28/09
Ranger 4 - 1 Falkirk
Hearts 1 - 2 Rangers
Rangers 4 - 1 Hamilton
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piss joke3/1/09
This reminds me of a joke. This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he-he's pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the fucking glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his fuckin' ass off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You fucking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300." And the bartender's like, "What the fuck are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."
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Monday morning at T in the Park11/22/08
Its truly a sad moment!
You see people giving each other weary smiles or avoiding eye contact with tent holders beside you who just 24 hours previous you were snorting colombias finest of the top of their jack daniels bottle.
You trudge through and see the same discarded "old lady" basket trolley by the Pole holding up the fairy lights.
You see the toilet roll fluttering in the breeze hanging from the light wires.
You see THAT queue for the shuttle busses back.
You see the "family" who thought taking their kid with them was a good idea, crying because he's tired.
You see the unopened Drink that secretly if this was the friday (or Thursday now) you wouldnt hesitate in grabbing cos "we're at T!!"
You see the plastic bottles that have suspicious yellow liquid inside.
You see that tin of beer you couldnt find last night.
You see you STILL have to take the tent down!
You see your faithful camping seat and think twice about taking him home.
You see an ocean of litter.
You see your dirty wristband and think "Im not gonna take this off EVER"
You see your damp and wrinkled T programme
You see someone with sunburn......even though it has been raining constant!
You see that portaloo inside for the last time.
You see your phone battery is on one remaining bar (or dead).
You see empty carparks where you played football with some strangers.
You see that ferris wheel with a chunk missing from it?!?!?!
You see the tops of the slam tent for the last time.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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every other saturday6/23/08
Every Other Saturday's My Half Day Off, And Its Off To The Match I Go
Happily We Wander Down The Copland Road, Me And My Wee Pal Joe
We Love to See The Lassies With The Blue Scarf's On
We Love To Hear The Boys All Roar
But I Don't Have To Tell That The Best Of All
We Love to See The Rangers Score
Me Oh Me Oh Me Oh My - Oh How We Love To See Them Cry
We Love to See The Lassies With The Blue Scarf's On
We Love To Hear The Boys All Roar
But I Don't Have To Tell You That The Best Of All
We Love to See The Rangers Score
Top 165/26/08
Alright, heres the deal : read this first, then write the names of YOUR top 16 and answer the questions on them and repost it. sound simple enough?? no particular order!

1. James
2. Batdan
3. Breeze block
4. Michelle
5. Bud van bastin nightstalker
6. Nicola
7. soo
8. Fraser
9. Rico
10. Kenny G
11. Rab Reynolds
12. Geneive
13. Neil Ireland
14. Wayne B
15. Gary lee
16. Sue lee

Q: Have you ever kissed anyone in ur top 16?
A: Yes

Q: Whats your least favourite thing about number 13?
A: Canne think of anything neils a top guy like :)

Q: What's the best memory you have of 9?
A: Me and rico go way back i got him started smoking :L sorry lad.

Q: When's the next time you're gonna see 4?
A: dunno at the weekend i would imagine lol.

Q: Is number 7 pretty?
A: very pretty soo.

Q: What was your first impression of number 8?
A: total fanny like lol dirty tim bastard, nah only jking frasers a great guy.

Q: What do you like most about number 14?
A: bingles up for the banter.

Q: How did you meet 3?
A: Met randomly like going to festivals and that gettin oot our crackers.

Q: Do you think 12 would kill someone?
A: she wouldnt harm a fly.

Q: Is 11 your best friend?
A: definetely one of them everyone is to me though :) :)

Q: How long have you known number 13?
A: Since the war lol

Q: Have you seen 2 naked?
A: Hell no.

Q: Do you think 5 has a crush on you?
A: definetely dirty bugger.

Q: What is the last thing you did with 8?
A: got wasted.

Q: If you could give anything to number 1 what would it be?
A: tickets to a west ham game.

Q: Would number 2 and number 16 make a good couple?
A: probably no like lol.

Q: If number 14 was a crayon, what colour would s/he be?
A: Crayola bingle red lol

Q: Have you ever been to 5's house?
A: yes.

Q: Have you ever slept in the same bed as 7?
A: nah probably in the same tent at some point over the years but who can remember lol.

Q: When's the next time you'll see 15?
A: dunno soon hopefully.

Q: Are you real close to 10?
A: wouldnt say close but he's a top bloke :)

Q: Have you ever kissed 1?
A: Nah he tried to kiss me once though ha ha only jking dave lad.

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 6?
A: nah still waiting on her taking me lol

Q: Whats number 2's house like?
A: never been in it.

Q: Have you ever been angry with 12?
A: nah never and never will be.

Q: Would you ever make a move on 15!
A: nah i think kayleigh would batter me lol.

Q: What do you and number 16 talk about the most?
A: probably just shite lol random wasted banter.

Q: Do you ever talk to 6?
A: All the time.

Q: What do u think of number 2?
A: Great guy, good taste in movies very similiar to mine we go back a long way.
Do this 3/24/08
Illegal Attacks3/14/08
So what the fuck is this UK
Gunnin? with this US of A
In Iraq and Iran and in Afghanistan

Does not a day go by
Without the Israeli Air Force
Fail to drop it?s bombs from the sky?

How many mothers to cry?
How many sons have to die?
How many missions left to fly over Palestine?
?Cause as a matter of facts
It?s a pact, it?s an act
These are illegal attacks
So bring the soldiers back
These are illegal attacks
It?s contracts for contacts
I?m singing concrete facts
So bring the soldiers back

What mean ya that you beat my people
What mean ya that you beat my people
And grind the faces of the poor

So tell me just how come were the Taliban
Sat burning incense in Texas
Roaming round in a Lexus
Sittin? on six billion oil drums
Down with the Dow Jones, up on the Nasdaq
Pushed into the war zones

It?s a commercial crusade
?Cause all the oil men get paid
And only so many soldiers come home
It?s a commando crusade
A military charade
And only so many soldiers come home

Soldiers, soldiers come home
Soldiers come home

Through all the blood and sweat
Nobody can forget
It ain?t the size of the dog in the fight
It?s the size of the fight in the dog on the day or the night
There?s no time to reflect
On the threat, the situation, the bark nor the bite
These are commercial crusades
?Cos all the oil men get paid
These are commando crusades
Commando tactical rape
And from the streets of New York and Baghdad to Tehran and Tel Aviv
Bring forth the prophets of the Lord
From dirty bastards fillin? pockets
With the profits of greed

These are commercial crusades
Commando tactical raids
Playin? military charades to get paid

And who got the devils?
And who got the Lords?
Build yourself a mountain ? Drink up in the fountain
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home

What mean ya that you beat my people
What mean ya that you beat my people
And grind the faces of the poor

the husband store3/5/08
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

 1 Comment 
T in the park 082/21/08
Rage against the Machine
The Fratellis
Kaiser Chiefs
Chemical Brothers
The Kooks
Aphex Twin
KT Tunstall
Biffy Clyro
Erol Alkan
Amy Winehouse
The Raconteurs
Primal Scream
Counting Crows
The Feeling
DJ Hell
The Wombats
Ian Brown
Amy MacDonald
The Pigeon Detectives
The Enemy
The Pogues
The Charlatans
Hot Chip
Ben Folds
Reverend And The Makers
The National
Jack Penate
Alabama 3
Sons and Daughters
Lightspeed Champion
The Courteeners
Band of Horses
Seasick Steve
The Ting Tings
The Law
Black Kids
Gabriella Cilmi
2Pac changes1/27/08
Come on come on
I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself
is life worth living should I blast myself?
I'm tired of bein' poor & even worse I'm black
my stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch
Cops give a damn about a negro
pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares
one less hungry mouth on the welfare
First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers
give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other
It's time to fight back that's what Huey said
2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead
I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other
We gotta start makin' changes
learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers
and that's how it's supposed to be
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that's the way it is

Come on come on
That's just the way it is
Things'll never be the same
That's just the way it is
aww yeah

I see no changes all I see is racist faces
misplaced hate makes disgrace to races
We under I wonder what it takes to make this
one better place, let's erase the wasted
Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right
'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight
and only time we chill is when we kill each other
it takes skill to be real, time to heal each other
And although it seems heaven sent
We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks
But some things will never change
try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game
Now tell me what's a mother to do
bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you
You gotta operate the easy way
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way
sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace
It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East
Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs
so the police can bother me
And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do
But now I'm back with the facts givin' it back to you
Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up,
crack you up and pimp smack you up
You gotta learn to hold ya own
they get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone
But tell the cops they can't touch this
I don't trust this when they try to rush I bust this
That's the sound of my tool you say it ain't cool
my mama didn't raise no fool
And as long as I stay black I gotta stay strapped
& I never get to lay back
'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs
some punk that I roughed up way back
comin' back after all these years
rat-tat-tat-tat-tat that's the way it is uhh
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